..and that's the way the cookie crumbles..

..zahir..

2007-07-24T17:53:00.000Z

"The idea of the Zahir comes from Islamic tradition and is thought to have arisen at some point in the eighteenth century. Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else." Faubourg Saint-Peres, Encyclopeadiea of the Fantastic (1953) --Introduction into the book The Zahir by Paulo Coelho.

Hey everyone,

So, todays post, i guess is going to be centered somewhat on the idea mentioned above.. I guess lately there have been a few things happening in my life, both from things and people that have, through no act of consciousness on my part, that has or still is, occupying my every thought.... is this a state of madness perhaps? lol.

As everyone knows, I just got back from an amazing eurotrip recently, and ever since then, I have only been able to think of my experiences on my trip, and the people or person that I had the privilege to share it with. I've been thinking a lot lately, and for those of you who like a good read, and if you're feeling particularly philosophical, Paulo Coelho is definitely a good read. Start off with "The Alchemist".

A lot of his books are basically about finding the meaning of life, about fate and destiny and how to live life to the fullest, you should always feel a sense of freedom. Freedom in the sense that you should never be a slave to your job, to your family (even though family IS definitely important and you should never, ever forget them, or where you're from - your true home), to anything really. Being free is always being able to have the option to have your own choices. There is a favourite phrase of mine, which is quite dear to my heart - I guess you could relate it most to relationships, but in essence, I think can apply to everything >> "Being bound, but free". You could be bound to your wife, your girlfriend, your husband, your boyfriend, your family, your job... but still be free. That is to say still being able to breathe and not feeling as though you have to make difficult compromises all the time.

I'm thinking about all this right now because I was just talking with Nana darling about things like what home (Brunei) will be in 5 years time.. will I be there? will I be married to someone from there? who will I still be in contact with from school? The future has always been an interest of mine, mostly because I'm a big believer of fate..I think when you keep yourself free with choices, things will be thrown at you from nowhere and you suddenly find yourself deeply fulfilled... and well.. free. Free knowing that you may like this circumstance or not, but with the belief that when the time comes for that experience or circumstance to end, something new will come along.

Of course this idea is always difficult when it comes to matters of the heart. Sometimes the winds of circumstance throws in a wild card and you're left having to figure out whether this is a test, or a new beginning for you. Sometimes you may feel as though you weren't ready to let that experience go yet... that it wasn't time.. how much should you leave your decisions up to your heart? (as a side note to this, there's another Paulo Coelho book on this theme..) ;}

Nothing in life is easy is it? But I think that's the beauty of it. If everything was easy, nothing would be seen to have any meaning, to have any weight or bearing on the real direction of our lives -- we would never feel the real value of anything...

Up to now, I still can't figure out whether this situation I'm in is a test.. or the winds of change coming and has brought the whole thing to an end. Having quite a stubborn heart, I'm inclined to think it is the former ;)

Wow, I've rambled.. anyway, I don't really know what this post was REALLY supposed to be about.. I guess part of it was just ramblings of a restless mind... with some philosophical insight from an interesting book. Haha.

Anyway, before I go, here are some pictures froooommm... Copenhagen, Denmark!!!!! {I think I'll post up pics from my eurotrip every post, we visited 11 countries.. so I guess I'll have to write 11 posts.. haha I'm malas though.. haha}

..To fully understand the Universe you need to look with an open mind at what is going on around you.. "All you have to do is pay attention; lessons always arrive when you are ready, and if you can read the signs, you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step."..

..sacrifice..

2007-07-13T22:49:00.000Z

Hey,

Just had a great day with Nana darling, going around hyde park, getting used to my new skates ;) hehe Anyhoo, i'm still busy uploading pics onto facebook ergh.. i'm so tired of this.. why oh WHY did we take so many photos? While loading up I've been listening to this song on repeat.. it's a beautiful song.. Definitely one to share ;) It's Anouk - Sacrifice.

I'll probably be putting up more and more music.. as it'll help along these lonely days.. anyway, enjoy the song.. Bonnuit! xx

..back at last!..

2007-07-13T13:54:00.000Z

Helloooo!!!

I'm back!!! I'm now back in London after my month long trip around Europe. Sadly, my eurotrip has come to an end, but i'm definitely back with tons of amazing memories, experiences and feelings. I was just reading my previous posts and I think i'll follow up one of them >> "..oh to cry again..".

So i think that i've definitely come back from my eurotrip with a renewed sense of being, not only because I think that i had the opportunity to visit some of the most beautiful places in the world, but because i got to share those experiences with those that were and still are greatly dear to me. In my previous post, i went on and on about whether you should let yourself fall and to open yourself, and to trust and I got my answer on the trip. Which undoubtedly made it even more special to me. I had lots of unexpected surprises along the trip and thinking about them now definitely puts a huge smile on my face.

First of all, a quick list of all the places I visited (in order) -- Copenhagen (Denmark), Stockholm (Sweden), Helsinki (Finland), Tallin (Estonia), Riga (Latvia), Vilnius (Lithuania), Geneva (Switzerland), Berlin (Germany), Prague (The Czech Republic), Amsterdam (Holland) and Edinburgh (Scotland).

Lol. It's funny, once I start writing everything that I planned to write about in my head just disappears.. which often results in me just going on and on and probably not making much sense =s haha.

hmm.. so how shall I put everything i'm thinking into a relatively short paragraph or so? well, i fell, decided to go for the ride, a ride that had lovely surprises at every turn, and sadly, that ride has ended. Did i cry? yes.. but only for a little while.. because I can now hope that the ride has only hit a bump, and has stalled for awhile.. but soon enough will crank up again and continue.. as long as it needs to. I felt free, absolute, and perfect...and who knows what the future holds? I don't know, that's for sure, but now, instead of looking at it with doubt and sadness, I'm facing it with a smile and hope.

I think that's it for now.. there are LOADS of stories from my eurotrip that i'll probably write about soon enough, but for now, i'm busy loading up all the pictures from the trip onto facebook, so for those of you who have facebook--you can check it out soon! I think I've got like, 2 albums up now, working on the 3rd one right at this moment.. its so tedious! haha. anyway, hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

ciao. xx.

..dont look away..

2007-06-08T12:47:00.000Z

Hello hello..

Finally my exams are over!! and now I'm in London getting very excited about my eurotrip which starts TOMOROW!! woohoo.. =) It's been quite depressing though, yesterday when I was moving out of my room at Stephenson Hall, I was looking around my room and seeing it just as how I saw it when I first moved in.. it was sooo sad.. it looked so bare.. with no character.. it's funny how being in one place for about 9 months or even less can change the way you see it, and the way it is so much.

Anyway, my "problems" aren't really the focus of this post today. Lately I've been so caught up in all my little "problems" and not really thinking about the bigger picture of anything really. And often, whenever you're down people always say "you should be thankful, think about all those people that don't have food or clothes blablabla" and you might not admit it but you know that in your mind you're just thinking to yourself "yea yea, how is THAT going to make me change how I'm feeling at this moment?" and to an extent, that's true, being conscious of other people's sufferings aren't going to change the way you feel at that moment, because when you're feeling down and you feel like you're so alone in a sea of people nothing is going to make you feel better. There are only things that can change the way you feel, or see things. But in thinking of those things you forget about your own problems for that one moment, and then you forget why you were even thinking of them in the first place.

I just finished reading a few articles on the people living in Darfur and the situation there as of now. And I never really thought myself ignorant of issues such as these, but reading the articles has really opened my eyes and made me realise how insignificant my problems really are. Sure, it doesn't mean that I'm not upset anymore about my problems, and I'm probably going to go back to thinking about them tomorrow or something, but for now.. it makes me feel really silly to be worrying about all these things. Can you imagine, if I went to Darfur right now and complained to someone there about my "problems"? I'd probably get laughed at.

The situation in Darfur is.. {and I can't even find a suitable word to describe this} ..painful, saddening, horrific... I think you get the picture. The governement there supporting militia to kill, rape, burn villages and ultimately displace people in the western Sudan region. With horror stories such as women getting their husbands killed and having their sons thrown into fires right before their eyes, you really start to wonder about whether people can really called people anymore. They are worse than animals. UN resolutions have been passed as to the situation in Darfur only to pass unimplemented simply because some countries would rather not give up their oil source. The UN Security Council consists of the US, Britain, France, Russia and China. And because before acting they prefer to be in agreement nothing has happened. The reason being because China, with backing from Russia have abstained on resolutions, preventing action. Why is China blocking? Because it gets 10 per cent of its oil from Sudan and in return, is shielding Khartoum. Incredible don't you think?

What really shocked me is the extent to which women get treated where War is prevalent. Wherever there is war, women get used. They get raped and used and not because soldiers are lonely - it's not about the sex at all - but about destroying the future. "Raping a woman is such an effective weapon because it affects an entire community, for decades....Children who witness the crime are traumatized, men flee from their partners out of shame, and women become 'damaged goods', sometimes literally, if they can no longer have children because of the violence."
"Through raping wives and daughters, the attackers actually target the 'real enemy': the men behind them. Having to have your enemy's baby goes one step further and turns this sexual violence into a tool for 'ethnic cleansing'".

And raping women during wartimes is not new at all. It happened in the second world war, in Rwanda, even in Iraq now. Rape wasn't even taken as a serious crime in the International Criminal Court until the last decade. Why? Because the international institutions are filled with male judges, prosecutors and researchers. You'd think that with all the hype of equality between the sexes and women's right would have changed all this. You really start to think whether or not society still harbours an unequal attitude towards women or not - even in peacetime! Women in a great number of parts in the world are still seen as the property of men, and not their own person. Apparently in Sudan, rape within marriage is not seen as a crime, beating your wife because she has "misbehaved" is widely condoned.

However, as gruesome as all this is, you really get to know how much strength women really have. Women in Darfur constantly leave their camp to collect firewood. They go unprotected, with the risk of getting raped by militia and the majority of them do. "But if the men go, they risk being murdered, and if no-one goes, the family will starve." Talk about being stuck between a cock and a hard place. (pun intended).

Darfur means "Homeland". Ironic isn't it.

Anyway, this has really been a somber (sombre?) post but I couldn't help it.. Here are some site recommendations incase you want to find out more.
www.globefordarfur.org
www.sudanreeves.org
www.refugee-rights.org
www.darfurcentre.ch
www.ecosonline.org
www.sudantribune.com
http://sudanwatch.blogspot.com
www.unsudanig.org

I probably won't be posting much over June because I'll be away, but I will if I can... and *ahem* I'm expecting my inboxes to be full of mail because *ahem* someone's birthday is coming up soon lol. I hope everyone has a GREAT holiday, for those of you who are home already or will be going soon, you lucky butts! But I can't complain, I'll be traipsing around Europe ;)

See you soon! xxx

..a true love bug..

2007-05-19T18:41:00.000Z

I came across this in Nana darling's new site. (Welcome back babe!) And wow, 2 posts in one day.. right after the other. Yea. It's another procrastination method of mine.. haha nah.. anyway, here is my visual dna thing. Complete with explanations. I think it's quite true. Come, read and get to know me ;)

My Mood: Dreamer
"You're a bit of a romantic and like to get back to basics. A real dreamer, you like the chance of new beginnings - starting over. When it comes to art, you're definitely unconventional - seeing art in all corners of life. You believe in self-expression and adventure. As for music, for you it's all about joining in; a bit of self-expression. It's always on your mind and helps you let off steam. Your choice of treat shows that you crave relaxation. Maybe you live a pampered life - or maybe you're so busy you don't seem to get any time to yourself. When you're tense you need a little help to unwind."

Personality: Fun: Escape Artist
"Oh - insatiable! Your thirst for affection never drops. You've got a high sex drive and appetite for lurve. For kicks you like to indulge in your great passions. You are probably happy spending time alone, and your drive and curiosity will take you all over the world. When it comes to holidays, you reckon they should always be indulgent - a very special treat and a chance to recharge your batteries in luxurious surroundings as well as spending quality time with family and friends. What grosses you out? You favour the natural look and can't stand a pumped and plumped, plastic appearance.

Personality: Habits: Back to Basics
"Even if you inwardly like to think you have a healthy approach to life, you still have your vices that keep you going throughout the day. It is all part of the routine - you're a creature of habit. Your choice of drink reflects your love of the stability and comfort of routine. As for home, you favour a cosy, home spun look... you dig the D-I-Y vibe big time.

Personality: Love: Love Bug
"For you, love is about long-term commitment, it means devotion and tenderness. When you think of freedom, you think of love. The comfort of being loved makes you feel free with your thoughts and words - you're a love bug."

Unbelievably true considering what I had just written in the last post and yerr.. =s Anyway this is all for today. I'm all written out.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

..to cry again..

2007-05-19T17:37:00.000Z

Wow.. it's been such a long time since I've posted.. Perhaps because there are things happening in life right now that I feel that I need to take advantage of, before it goes away. For those of you that have chatted to me, or know what's going on, you know exactly what I mean when I say that. <-- after reading that last line, it's just occurred to me that many of you probably don't. and for that, I apologize profusely. But if any of you know me well enough, you know that sometimes I like to keep to myself and I often drift off here and there. But at the same time, always remember that I'm always around.

This is gonna be quite a serious post, as lately, while I might have been having fun on the outside, in the inside.. well, lets just say that I'm not sad.. but in a limbo of constant falling and then holding back because things are not going to happen, or be the way that I wish them to. Again, this is all very cryptic, and I apologise but I don't want to give too much away.

And as a warning, this is also going to be a very long post. It has been so long since I've written, and you can imagine how much I will have to write, given the amazing amount of time I find myself sitting and staring into space and thinking. =)

What's caused me to suddenly decide to write now? After being MIA for about a month or even longer? Just the fact that I haven't been able to let out all that I need to and I feel that if I don't do so soon, I might just explode - and not in a good way hehe.

Before I decided to sit down and write, I was actually just sitting here, listening to music and a thought occurred to me - it hasn't been the first time I've thought this to myself and I figured if I wrote, it might help with the way that I'm feeling inside.

What was the thought? It was about the fact that I haven't cried. This might sound ludicrous, but for someone as emotional and affection-based as me, crying in happiness, in sadness in whateverness can be absolution for me. To free all the skeletons, the sad moments, the happy and allowing me to simply, be. Crying is seen as such a negative thing, and I think that people think so, because like love, it shows a vulnerable side to you. There have been many a moment in the past few weeks where I have been trying to build up a stronger part of me, to be strong and while it has changed my life somewhat to the better (in a "I won't take no crap from nobody" and "I am now brave enough to find out about things that are eating me up inside" kinda way) I find myself, almost lost.

I want to cry again, if anything, in happiness:to know that things can still touch me in a profound way; in slight sadness: to know that there is someone that I deemed worthy to cause my tears to flow and to know that there was once someone who could make me happy in such a profound way. To let myself know that I am not infallible.

----------------

A question that I continually ask myself is why I have met the people that I have during the course of my life. I believe that the people that we happen to meet, we meet for a reason. A reason that may be unknown to us at the time --> but there is always a reason. To an extent I ponder upon this theory with some sadness. And it's funny, because I don't entirely know why. Perhaps I feel this way because there are some people that you meet and think they could be forever for you, and yet don't know because you will never know what is in store for you. This person could be forever, or they could be someone that reminds you of forever to give you hope that there still is a forever for you. Both possibilities leave you with an unanswerable question however --> Do you let yourself fall?

Perhaps I feel this way because there are some people that you meet and think that they could be absolution for you, to give you the ultimate freedom. But you will never know. This person could be your freedom, or they could be someone with whom you have something in common with for awhile and never hear from again to give you the illusion of freedom and comfort and after awhile drift into the stretch of time that is your past. Both possibilities leave you with an unaswerable question however --> Do you allow yourself to trust and open yourself up?

No one wants to lose a friend that they have gotten to know well, and have some sort of bond with. Nor does anyone want to grow to trust and become comfortable with someone, knowing that there is a possibility that they may never see that person again. Most of the time once we become aware of this fact, we think, what the hell and not bother anymore. Just how we stick with the people that we are comfortable with and not necessarily broaden our horizons and not give a damn about anyone else. Humans are creatures of habit. And getting hurt (emotionally) is not part of that habit.

So the question comes down to what if you have met that person that you think could be forever? What if you meet someone that makes you feel free and comfortable? What do you do? Shall you sit back and enjoy the ride while it lasts? Unfortunately all rides come to an end. Do you sit back and enjoy the ride while thinking of the next ride you're going to go on? Or do you get off immediately and say that you're waiting for forever and comfort and freedom? Unfortunately, as appealing and easy as the last option is, nothing is ever easy, nor does it come easily and while all things come to those who wait, waiting alone..will eventually eat you up inside.

It's so easy to put up a front to people, saying that you're alright. To say that you knew from the beginning it wouldn't last and so you're fine. To keep telling yourself that because you knew it couldn't be you wouldn't let yourself fall. Fallacies of the heart. Because once that has happened, you've already trusted, fallen and given.

..oh to cry again..

..I don't know what to call this post..

2007-04-15T16:00:00.000Z

Haha, hey everyone,
As you can probably tell right now, I am suffering from a lack of creativity, hence the uncreative title of this post. This week has actually been really crazy, and to nana darling, sorry I couldn't stay for your birthday party.. But atleast I still came down all the way to see you right..? RIGHT..??? haha. Love you.

So, anyhoo, the weather lately has been amaaazzziiiinngg here in the land (?) of steel (aka sheffield) and even right now I wish I could be sitting in the sun outside, but alas, it's not to be, as lectures start again tomoro and i need to get back into the whole "work work and more work" kinda lifestyle.. but yesterday =D was great.. we had a barbeque and the last time i had a barbeque was ages ago back home so yesterday was definitely the best.

Anyway, this is a really boring post, so in order to make it a teensy weensy bit more interesting, and just so that you don't think it was a waste dropping by, here's a video I came across the other day.. it's hilarious ;)

A la prochaine fois!

Snl - Dick In A Box -
Uploaded by vogalene

..Quoi?..

2007-03-30T14:25:00.000Z

*phew* it's been awhile..

I guess I've been busy with a lot of social commitments as well as work commitments and just haven't had the time to write.. There are so many things that I have cut out from my extra curricular stuff like dancing and singing.. which kinda makes me sad at times, but hey.. hanging out and hanging out with my friends more than makes up for it ;) hehe.

First of all, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY is in order for kaka Fidah!!!! who's birthday was yesterday.. and I really WAS planning on writing up a post yesterday just for this occassion but... I have no idea where the time went and by the end of the day I was pooped. hehe. But yes, Kaka Fidah, I miss you!! I hope you had great birthday and I can't want to see you again!

Right now it has never been this boring here in Shef, but it IS the Easter holidays and slowly the numbers of us left here in good ol Stevo hall has dwindled. this sucks.

..And you know, I really don't have much else to say apart from that... so I will go now. And practise my french or something lol.

Ciao for now. Will try and write more later.

Oh p.s. Rez, if you're reading this, is there any chance that I can get the mp3 of your song Mr. Nice Guy with just the instrumental? Hehe, I have um, some stuff that I'd like to do with it.. hehe ;)

..je suis perdue..

2007-03-11T16:13:00.000Z

Hellew, hellew, hellew..

This week has been pretty hectic, what with my social commitments and the coming out of my results, not to mention late nights trying to finish all the reading I'm expected to do.. but once again, before I know it, it's the end of the week!! and 2 more weeks until Easter break!! that's crazy.. not long after easter I'll be having my final exams as a first year student.. It's amazing how fast time flies.. It's times like these I really wish it could slow down.. I feel as though my life is flying before my eyes..

I don't have much to post up today as I have not had the opportunity to even sit alone with my thoughts at all this week.. but o well.. =s My thoughts tend to drive me a lil crazy sometimes.. haha I mean, have you ever felt as though there are just a million and one things buzzing around in your head.. but even though someone asks you what you're thinking about, you can't really tell them what because it's a bit of mess, thoughts going after the other, in all different directions and you're just trying to sort em out and get your head to slow down a bit and stop taking too many things in.. I'm so weird.. LOL..

Anyway, results came out on Friday, and I've got tosay I've survived the first set of exams.. and I came out... with pretty good grades if i do say so myself, but I won't brag about em.. haha

So I posted on Naj's comment box thing that I'd somewhat discuss her lil discussion on the whole religion thing. And usually I don't like voicing out my opinions on religion because I tend to be a bit "lovey-dovey" "hippie" and liberal on the subject and religion is such a contentious issue, people can get easily offended, or take me the wrong way... But (and I'm sorry if I offend anyone by saying this) what Naj posted sounded so preposterous (is that how you spell it?) to me, that I can't avoid not talking about it..

So for those of you who didn't read Naj's blog, basically, to cut the long explanation short - in Islam, music if considered "haraam" and that means EVERYTHING to do with music. {oops i guess all these years of doing music in school and being passionate about singing and playing the piano will send me to hell} <-- excuse the sarcasm there but I couldn't resist. Well, to get things straight, its not like I didn't know that in some places they take this whole music is haram thing seriously, I did.. and I've always felt a bit... *scrunches up face* about it.. Right now I've got this Omani friend.. he's awweessoommeee.. he's awesome at the guitar as well (bass as well) but for years he had to actually hide the fact that he could play an instrument and was interested in it because his step mother was really against music n stuff.. but in the end his dad told him he could keep it.. so that kinda opened up my eyes a lil bit..

But back to the issue at hand.. I'm sorry with the use of language here, but I just find it Ridiculous. I guess it goes against the way the logic in my mind works and has always worked. and it just doesn't register with my logic on any level at all.
Firstly, why are our voice boxes created in such a way that we can make or enable us to sing and make music? Wouldn't we have been better off stuck as cave men then, not being able to do anything, making guttural noises to communicate because i mean, at least its not singing right? {and just on a side not here, I apologise to anyone who may take offense but there is no surpressing my sarcastic tone when it comes to this issue - I am trying to be as open minded as i can be... }
Secondly, the call to prayer can be classified as a form of music.. songs sung during weddings, songs made by birds and wildlife.. music and songs make up a big part of our life and are in a way fundamental to our emotions it is difficult to see why a God that is supposed to be all loving and benevolent and unselfish would consider that a sin.. something that he himself put on Earth.. now the earlier point is debatable as it could be argued that if you've never experienced it before you won't miss it.. but thats a bit too late for a lot of the world now isn't it? {HOWEVER, in order to disregard music and "ban" it you will have had to know what it was in the beginning wouldn't you?} And this particular line of argument can be used on quite a few contentious issues regarding religion. And this all isn't written with the view that I am trying to change or undermine peoples beliefs, but I think everything needs a second opinion, just to open up peoples minds. (afterall your mind is a wonderful thing, it would be sad if it wasn't challenged and opened up to new possibilities every now and again).

Here's a question: There are 2 men. The first one is a highly religious person who has spent his whole life praying, and being devoted to God, he has done all that he has been bid to do and has pretty much, never sinned in his entire life. The second man is someone who is full of sin, i don't think i need to go into the details in this case I think we all know what i mean here. So, one day, both men find out that they are going to die the very next day. The first one thinks- I have spent my whole entire life doing so and so, I am going to die tomoro, I think I'd like to do something different for a change and so does all the things that he was told not to do. The second man decides that he wants to repent for all this sins that he has done for his entire life.
Now, the big question here is: Which guy goes to Heaven? The first guy devoted his entire life to God is God so harsh so as to send him to Hell simply because of one day? The second guy had devoted his entire life to sin but in the end discovered the error of his ways and repented. But does that make up for before?

I think that to an extent it is an important part of our lives to have guidance, particularly if you believe in a religion with a God n all that... Guidance is always important because things that are written in the Qura'an or Bible or whatever depending which religion you're from is something which you live by in order to live to your best ability, the one thing that all these "books" have in common is to try and show you the best way to live according to your faith and beliefs. But at the end of the day.. that's all they are, they're guidance.. and they're there for you when you need that guidance, in the end its up to you as an individual. God knows what you think, how you feel inside.

Anyway I'm gonna stop here because I'm getting a headache lol. Nah not really, It's just that this debate could go on forever. And I didn't really want it to get THIS long.. hahaha so till next time, hopefully I'll have something a bit more cheerful to write about.. and less... contentious haha.

A la prochaine fois!! xx

..just hold on..

2007-03-01T16:27:00.000Z

Well, well, well...

I was supposed to write up this post earlier, but yea, I've been hella busy so yea =/ Anyway, to start off, I wanted to write a little something for Wilni and Rez... and that's basically to say that I love you guys =) and that while at times you may feel down, or annoyed, pissed off, or just damn depressed or low. But once you've moved on from that, things won't seem as bad as they did in the beginning.. Now, I know that that isn't really great advice and it's always hard to move on from events in life that have some way or another have moved you onto a direction that you don't wanna be in, but time is a great healer, and with great friends in your close vicinity, it'll work out. Having to choose between 2 groups of people or 2 people, is really tough - being a middle child, I know. And the way that I look at it is, I see it as somewhat of an advantage. I know what's going on on both sides. I get the whole picture. And from there it's up to you to be the bigger person to make a decision on what to do.. there aren't any rights or wrongs, and it all depends on your own judgment. Sometimes it's better to tell both parties that you're neutral on the subject and wait for it to die out. Sometimes you may feel that one side is slightly more right and the other.. less right (i'm trying to be politically correct here lol) and may feel that in order to resolve it, you pick a side to emphasise that point. But it all comes down to -- you.

Yesterday I was feeling really down myself, I don't know what it was, or what made me feel the way I did, but I felt as low as can be.. My depression levels were way up.. etc etc.. and I was listening to an oldie (but a goodie - not to mention cheesy) by Wilson Phillips - Hold on. And basically what i got from that was:

I know this pain,

Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?

No one can change your life except for you,

Don't ever let anyone step all over you.

Just open your heart and your mind,

Is it really fair to feel - this way inside?

Someday, somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye,

But till then, baby, are you gonna let them hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know?

Things will change?

Things will go your way, if you hold on for one more day,

Can you hold on for one more day?

Things will go your way...

Hold on for one more day.

Aahh.. i remember listening to that song in the radio in the afternoons with my yaya while playing around the room or napping... oh, the good old days.. don't we all wish we could just be kids again.. (not that some of us are generally "grown up" yet ;) )

Lately I've been so busy with work and social committments I haven't been able to do ANYTHING. I get to the end of the day thinking "what happened to my free time?" "oh shit! seminar tomoro!" "I was supposed to read that??" "I didn't expect this case to be THAT long".. seriously, it's driving me crazy and I think I am about to break. =( sigh...

Sometimes I don't feel like I should be on this course.. I've lost the drive.. Sure, I got the grades for it.. and I want to be challenged.. but my heart isn't in it. People in my course, well, the majority, seem so passionate about what they're doing and i just feel... wrong. But at the same time, I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to be doing, if not this.. =s I want something more. The dreaded emptiness inside has resurfaced and I'm left trying to pick up pieces of myself and putting me back together again. and while I do that, the void in me expands.. =( It's tough being here alone with people that don't really know what my life was like before.. I've got great friends.. but being with people that know some history about you.. is better... *sigh*

O WELL. =/

Anyhoo, I better get a move on, there's probably something productive I should be doing... like ironing my pile of laundry or washing my other new pile of laundry =/ *grr*

Hehe till later.. xx

..J'adore..

2007-02-22T09:04:00.000Z

Hellew everyone!

Yes, yes, I know I have been really super slow with the updates but I've been extremely busy and it's been pretty hectic for me, you have NO idea how much reading I have to do... lawyers, medics and vets really do get it the hardest.. =( Unfortunately I've somewhat lost the momentum in trying to get absolutely everything done n studying bladibladibla.. but o well, I'm up early today and I have nothing so yea...

Anyhoo.. I think I'll split up today's blog into 2 parts.. because I don't think people should be bombarded with deep, sometimes meaningul thoughts ALL the time.. lol =s

You kno I was thinking the other day, and it's funny that Reza actually ended up putting something like it on his blog, but I was feeling quite depressed (it was probably pms but what the heck) and I guess ever since I've gotten here, I've really felt the effects of being single and I almost feel like I don't have a purpose anymore.. Like, even thinking about my goals for my degree and after.. I didn't feel... fulfilled.. satisfied.. It really does show that there is much more to life than just being successful, working and having money. So I did a bit of writing.. while thinking about some of the things that I'd like to achieve one day.. It's quite a short list imho, but for me, I feel what would really make me happy.. is simplicity.

I'd like to give something to people.. something that may or may not be something life changing.. but something, so that they feel like either somebody cares or gives a damn.. (which is why after this degree it would be most fulfilling if i could be a teacher..)
To teach
To travel to all the places I've always wanted to go to - which is probably almost everywhere lol
To meet someone that I can feel needs and wants me as much as I, them
To love

Yea.. that's bout it really.. I can't really think of anything else I truly want.. this isn't to say I'm not ambitious... if I become a lawyer, which i probably will do because it's just.... "tradition" in the family.. and plus, I can be quite competitive if I have to.. so yea.. But you kno, It's funny how very often the smallest things can make you unbelievably happy.. When I was with Ben.. we never bothered with "anniversaries" or valentines day.. I certainly don't remember any so called "special" moments people dream about their boyfriend appearing witha large bouquet of flowers for valentines day.. or a special (probably expensive) present or dinner he/she would feel pressured into getting because it's their "anniversary". The most prominent memory I have of our time together would be the silent times.. when you wouldn't have to say anything at all but look into each others eyes... or driving out to the beach.. or just.. hanging out at whomevers place.. And thinking about these things made me realise that none of that involved money, or material things.. and yet, it can feel so blissful...

..You know it's unbelievable - the number of people that belive in God. I believe in God because I've felt things and learnt things that wouldn't be possible if all this was merely... due to some accident of molecules or whatever the theory of the big bang was. Like our emotions for example.. especially Love.. to even be able to have the capacity to love someone without necessarily having them love you back.. or to love someone despite of all their faults.. can't be due to some "accident".

What is your perception of God? What do you see or feel in your mind that enables you to keep on believing in God? Personally.. to be honest, I've always been somewhat at an ends with the way they taught you to think of God in ugama schools back at home.. and what I've FELT God feels like.. I think that he's always there, that sometimes when you're at an al time low and you think about things in your head and everything is still and quiet.. and sometimes you come out with answers that get you out of your low..answers that maybe at the beginning you probably would never have thought of... but you got out of it... I think that he loves all of us.. and this point has been quite controversial in the past.. I find it so hard to reconcile myself with this and what's been drilled into me since I was 7 or 8.. That we need to fear God.. and from fear comes respect. But respect - does not mean love.. and I don't think you can truly believe in God and do what he wants you to, out of just fear and respect. But hey, thats my opinion. Just how you don't want to do well in life to please your parents because you "respect" them.. obviously you respect your parents, but you want to do well to make them proud of you.. because you love them and we always want to make the people we love proud of us.. we want to show them that they brought us up right, that they're time, money and effort didn't go to waste..I guess in a way to show that we love them too.

I was talking to a friend who does biomedical science about this book that he lent me called "The alchemist" and i"ll probably have a lil review up sometime later but it's a fantastic book.. anyhoo the point is that.. he was telling me how the reason why scientists or doctors end up becoming more religious after doing their degree or practising being a doctor after awhile is because you learn about the intricacies of the body and there is no way that anything of it was just "an accident" or natural selection. It's a fact that our body was originally made to be able to fight off and cure EVERYTHING. Even at this moment, your body could be killing of cancer cells, or whatever! no joke! Don't you think thats pretty Fucking amazing?! or how parts of our body, like the heart or anything else for that matter always needs to work perfectly. In the sense that the pressure needs to be exact, different things rely on a whole host of different other tthings to work and it ALL needs to be PERFECT and EXACT.. that blows me away! Doesn't that make you think that we couldn't have jsut happened by "accident"?

THe thing that gets to me is this whole divide between creationism and evolutionism.. But the way I see it is.. for all we know, God could've planned it so evolution happened.. i mean, there's nothing to say that the 2 HAS to be mutually exclusive.. Who's to say that just because we evolved from monkeys that no one planned it to be that way in the beginning?! O well.. I'm sorry folks this wasn't meant to be a rant on my beliefs but hey.. I got carried away lol

*phew*

Anyhoo.. I think its raunchy time... Yes.. As we all know I have moments where I can get a *tad* bit man crazy LOL.. but yea, I joined this group on face book called:
I Love big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty, burly, manly men!

Owww yeaaaaa.... who doesn't? I mean, who doesn't love those rugged looking men... (me!) And I've said this before, and I'll say it again.. Women. Don't. Want. Wussies. We want men! What really gets to me nowadays is that we've become a culture where women have gotten to a point where they are so demanding it's unbelievable! This is why I have some issues with the really extreme feminists. Sure, we all deserve equal rights. But one day we have to realise that we can't do everything men can - it takes TWO.

I've found in recent years that more and more men are allowing themselves to get pussy whipped by their girlfriends.. back home, as I was driving by the mall I actually saw a guy bending down in front of his girlfriend while she was telling him off and he wasn't even fighting back.. repeat after me.. WTH??? Why do men allow themselves to get pussy whipped by their gfs?? it's crazy.. The culture today seems to be that men are trying to be way more sensitive than they should be... I mean, what's with all this pink metrosexual "i don't mind wearing uber tight jeans and a super bright pink top - It's fashion!" culture? Pink, is not a bad colour. But, don't effing go out n buy that bright pink shirt!! get something a lil more subtle, like a very very light (almost white) pink shirt.. that would be more manly imho.

And yes, I do realise that women constantly bitch about how their man isn't sensitive enough and they're assholes etc etc. But let me let you in on a little secret. And ladies, well, for the real ladies that don't feel like they need to pussy whip their boyfriend in order to feel special - that's just sick, I'm sorry that I'm letting our secret out: WE LIKE ASSHOLES. I mean, seriously, this doesn't mean that from now on you can be a complete asshole.. but I mean that, guys are assholes.. they're egotistical asses who will - from no fault of their own apart from the fact that they're just like that, -hurt you or piss you off from time to time..but think about it... would you rather have a proper MAN for a boyfriend - i.e. one that will challenge you, disagree with you, because he STANDS UP for himself ( i mean, lets be honest, the only reason we get so upset is coz we always want it our way... but a real man won't always give us our way.. which really, ineffectively attracts us even more) so, would you rather have that, or some boring wussy that agrees with everything you say, bends over backwards for you just because he's SCARED that you'll pick a fight with him.. c'mon, men are assholes, I accept that.. in fact, I'd rather them BE assholes rather than some wussy. sheesh.

~~wow.. it's rant city up in there lol.. but yes, back to the I Love big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty, burly, manly men! group.. basically its a tribute to all big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty, burly, manly men.. the kinda men that could look after you in a jungle and kill a bear with his own hands... .......ok a bit of an exaggeration there.. and no, I don't mean men who are super muscly... But forget about that pretty boy look. That's old and for 12 year old girls... women, like MEN. not pretty boys. Quote from the Spice Girls: "I want a man not a boy who thinks he can.." LOL.

eg.s of big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty, burly, manly men... Aragorn from LOTH... Brad Pitt in Troy.. the men in Gladiator... wolverine.. Vin Diesel (esp. in Pitch Black).. and yea.. you get the idea.. so, in light of that, I have a little picture presentation, a tribute if you like.. to big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty,burly, manly men.. that would be able to whisk us away into the darkness with their strong arms and rugged charm. LOL. I can't believe I actualy wrote that.. but yea. This half of the post is dedicated to my darling Nana - I kno she's probably getting herself off right now.. HAHAH.

Haha *sigh* my kinda man.. LOL.. anyway, sorry for the long post.. but I hadn't updated in awhile n got carried away lol.. oh yea, btw, i do realise that there aren't any spacings in between the paragraphs.. but its blogger stuffing up ;) so sorry if you're finding it hard to read..

Till next time ;)

..with love, anything is possible..

2007-02-08T20:32:00.000Z

Hey everyone,

No, this post isn't going to be some sentimental one about love, fate and bladibladibla... funnily enough, lately, I've been going through a change of sorts and have a mindblock when it comes to the subject. Needless to say, I'd rather not think about it at the moment.. lol. And to think it's supposed to be Valentine's day soon.

Anyway this week lectures have started again.. and well, it actually has been a pretty.. interesting week to say the least. Which reminds me, you know what's funny? And I still don't get it, is guys and this whole "unattainable" thing, that is to say, how they seem to like girls that project a somewhat "unattainable" aura or image. Now, I could be entirely wrong, but from most guys I know.. this is pretty true.. you know, it's all about the game (in the beginning anyway - before you just happen to fall madly in love with her).. you'd rather have someone who is a bit "jual mahal" rather than an easy ho {lol}.

But yea, you must be wondering why I am talking about this, well it's got to do with everything that's happened to me lately. If you've read my previous posts, recently I've "crawled back into my shell" and have done some rethinking.. and I think, I can safely say that I have come out stronger... and.. how do I say this... while I LOVE men... I don't think I'll be interested in anyone any time soon. Sure, I notice hot guys... but as to the old Nur who would be such a romantic over things.. she's not entirely gone.. but not entirely there anymore either. Now, this could be a good or bad thing but I guess I'll just have to wait until I find out for myself whether it is or not. I'm not saying I'm a cynic now when it comes to things like love and relationships, but I duno, ah, here's a way of putting it - I'm just not interested in it (that is, any romantic actions involving men) right now. ESPECIALLY if you guys are offering it to me on a silver platter. I have a feeling that the next time I let myself get swept away, it's gonna be something fucking special I'm telling ya.. lol

SO what does this have to do with the whole guys and unattainable thing? Well, funnily enough, and this quite annoys me, is that it seems that NOW of ALL times, I'm suddenly a "target" as such... o well, I'm sorry! haha. Just not interested. =s and I was talking bout this with my friend Bart. and he reckons that it could be that now I might seem to be projected this idea of the "unattainable". I duno, but c'mon, guys never seem to be able to get the timing right. sheeesh. haha.

Well, I'm not giving up on guys completely, you know I love em.. just don't expect me to fall so easily this time ;)

Anyhoo, in light of the upcoming Valentines day, here's a funny little comic - from a website which I have added as one of my favourites for the moment - check it out ;) - www.pbfcomics.com Enjoy!

Oh yea, the comic is called - with love, anything is possible. hehehe. (hence my title for this post - yea, I'm not feeing particularly imaginative right now)

LOL love it! haha. See Ya Later...

..I'm with you..

2007-02-04T16:39:00.000Z

Curses upon all these people that seem to be able to come up with these 'tag' thingies. sheesh. Not that I particularly mind... but still.. I always seem to get it in the cycle when there are hardly any people left to tag =s SO anyway, its not a questionnaire this time, but a list:

""Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. "

(6 weird things are tough!!)
1) I never brush my hair and yet it comes out pretty straight and without tangles...
2) I've got weird hands that are double jointed or something because they are super bendy and tiny and has weird candle stick fingers (which my yaya lovingly refers to them as proper "ladies fingers")..
3) I have flat feet. Which means in the event that I ever take up swimming again it would be a great advantage.
4) I have a hole in my head... ok well not a HOLE as such... but there's a tiny hole at the side of my head where the top of my ear gets attached to my head... it just looks like its been pierced there before or something.. - its a gene thing.. my mom has it too..

Ok, i realise most of my weird things are actually about me.. and not my personality so for the last 2 I'll try and think of something that relates to my personality... hmmmm...

5) People don't realise it but I'm a big baby... depends who you are really. but I'm really manja.
6) I have an obsession with popping stuff.. ..yea, I won't go into it hehe ;)

Ok 6 people to tag... I choose.. Mervin, Mei, ARGH sheesh everyone has been picked already! just just... whoever wants to do this, {insert your names here} and just do it!!! for goodness sakes. *the pressure* *shudder* hehe. Enjoy.

I'll probly post something up again later on tonight.. so yea, just thought I'd get this list thing outta the way first ;)

..find me..

2007-02-03T18:28:00.000Z

Hey everyone,

Phew.. so its the weekend.. and boy, have I started it with a 'bang' =/ and not a good one at that.. And from events, I am left.. quite... bereft (oo is that a rhyme? lol) and miserable.. for want of a better word. I dont quite like availing anyone who reads my blogs with the exact details of mistakes or problems.. but writing in this blog has always been quite therapeutic for me nonetheless..

Today has been quite interesting, I met with a very nice guy about french tutoring, so hopefully I'll be speaking french in no time ;) lol thats hot. anyway. that was about the only highlight of my day today.. =s

Last night was one filled with "interesting" events.. all teaching me valuable lessons, mostly about myself.. but is most probably the key point to my ultimate low right now.. the kind where you feel like slinking back into your corner or shell and do some serious re-thinking about things that you thought that you might have wanted. Needless to say, mistakes were made.. there's no way of changing that, but to come out of it and being able to say 'lesson learnt' is always a good way to start when trying to look on the brightside of things and getting over it. Sometimes mistakes are needed to make you realise that the thing you thought that you wanted so badly, or needed, was in fact, something that goes against your nature completely and is - something that you could never ever want in the beginning anyway. SO you start to wonder. why the hell did i think i wanted that in the first place? - But more questions never get you anywhere either.. if anything, it could possibly make you sink deeper, making you think that in someway there is something wrong with YOU. And this is probably where I am right now. ..'is there something wrong with me..?'

Mistakes can be a powerful and destructive thing.. powerful if you are a strong enough person to get over it and never look back except occasionally as does everyone, its in our nature to look to the past ever so often... destructive if you let it eat you up inside. I, don't know where I am right now.. Should I try strike a balance between the two? I can tell you though, I am in no way feeling strong at this point in time. And I am well deep into my 'shell'. (funny mentioning 'shell' at this point as being a Cancer.. we tend to do that when we reach particular lows.. to enable ourselves to mull events over.. some alone time if you will, to fix ourselves..or what's been hurting).

Now, I kno this is all very cryptic, but even without knowing the details, you can see the overall point of all this right? Anyway, life wouldn't be life without the bumps, scrapes, scars and burns along the way right?

Anyway, I think I shall leave it at there for now.. I might post sometime late tonight lol... if I can't sleep or something..

Till later..

..apparently I've been Tagged..

2007-01-29T09:22:00.000Z

Hellew..
APPARENTLY I have been Tagged... I've been reading everyone elses questionnaire thingies lately.. and i was HOPING that I would'nt get it... but.. I did... =/ *ahem*NAJAT* =p Sooo.. in the spirit of things, as i do... i will do my questionnaire.. although, I probably won't have anyone to tag after.. so everyone else can have a breath of relief ;) ...for now...

1) Are your parents married or divorced?- Married and happy =)

2) Are you a vegetarian?- Never. I am a full on carnivore. MEEEAAATTTT. is goooood and don't you forget it ;)

3) Do you believe in Heaven?- Most Definitely.

4) Have you ever come close to dying?- When I was little I almost drowned in our swimming pool @ my grandpa's place. Bcoz my sister thought I was our other sister n jumped on me. (we were playing horsy) =s And then again at the RBA club when I went down the slide - which i shouldn't hv coz I couldn't swim that well.. but my older sisters were going on it n so I wanted to too. LOL.

5) What jewellery do you wear 24/7?- My earrings and previously my rings. Not much of a jewellrey wearer unless there's a special occasion.

6) Favourite time of day?- I'm an early bird.. so early in the morning.. makes me feel like I've got lots of time to do everything i want to.

7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?- Yea..?

8) Do you wear makeup?- Yep, the basic... a lil bit o eyeliner..mascara..lip balm/gloss..blusher.. never really any of that foundation stuff tho.. again, only during special occasions..

9) Ever have plastic surgery?- No and would never.

10) Do you colour your hair?- I have. But not regularly or a lot. And not anything drastic =s

11) What do you wear to bed?- Nothing. LOL. nyeh depends on my mood.

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?- ....do i have to answer this...? lol

13) Can you roll your tongue?- Yep =)

14) Do you tweeze your eyebrows?- Yep. Shuda seen them before LOL thick much?

15) What kind of sneakers?- Hmm.. I like high heels.. all the sport shoes i 'own' aren't really mine.. =s But if I had to choose, converse.

16) Do you believe in abortions?- Toughie. Maybe.

17) What is your hair color?- Dark brown/black

18) Future child’s name?- me nono.... Something with a nice meaning. It's true.. your name sorta makes up who U are.

19) Do you snore?- ermm.. not really. But I have known to snore slightly when I'm reaaalllly relaxed, you kno those type of sleeps where ur really relaxed n end up sleeping with your mouth open hahahah

20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?- Everywhere. Why just go to one place? But top of my list.. Norway aaanndd the caribbean islands.

21) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?- Nope. With my bantal paluk hehe ;) Tried sleeping with a stuffed animal before.. didn't really work out... i prefer full body action LOL

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?- Pay for everything my dad and mummy needs to work so hard for to pay for.

23) Gold or Silver?- Silver.. bit a lil bit of gold is alright too. Just nothin OTT and gaudy.

24) Hamburger or hot dog?- Burgerrrr

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?- Sushi

26) City, beach or country?- Hmm... *dreams* country

27) What was the last thing you touched?- Touched too many things to say ;) haha

28) Where did you eat last?- The dining hall downstairs

29) When’s the last time you cried?- ..err..quite recently.. does tearing up count?

30) Do you read blogs?- Yaah otherwise I wouldn't be filling in the questionnaire now would i?? haha

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?- Yea.. couldn't hurt.. hehe

32) Ever been involved with the police?- Hmm.. not reeeaaallllyyy.

33) What’s your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?- Brillian Brunette by John Frieda or Herbal Essences...soap i'm not that fussy bout..but right now I'm using dove.

34) Do you talk in your sleep?- I've been known to before..but not recently

35) Ocean or pool?- Ocean. Even though I'm slightly freaked about what could be in there but it's just so relaxing. Plus you got the whole atmosphere going on..

38) Window seat or aisle?- Window. I like looking outside..

39) Ever met anyone famous?- Hmmm....Yea actually =D

40) Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?- Yea, i feel pretty successful right now...but it's too early to say..

41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?- Twwwiirrrlll

42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?- Who's Ricki Lake?

43) Basketball or Football?- Football (esp. after Mei's post ;) )

44) How long do your showers last?- depends.. 5 - 20 mins

45) Automatic or do you drive a stick?- I don't officially drive yet but I would like to drive a stick once i do ;)

46) Cake or ice cream?- What kinda question is this??? what's this 'or' business. I'm not gonna pick between the two... What kind of normal person would do that? lol. I love both.

47) Are you self-conscious?- Hell yea.

48) Have you ever drank so much you threw up?- ...yea...

49) Have you ever given money to a beggar?- Yup

50) Have you been in love?- Ow YES.

51) Where do you wish you were?- In Norway either that, or home..

52) Are you wearing socks?- Non.

53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?- Nope and I hope I won't have to.

54) Can you tango?- No.. But id like to learn.

55) Last gift you received?- ooo.. probably my birthday presents =( yea its been that long..

56) Last sport you played?- wow.. i duno.. does pilates n going to the gym count?

57) Things you spend a lot of money on?- clothes...clothes...yea... oh and clothes. haha depends i usually spend a lot going out for drinks or dinner or whatever

58) Where do you live?- Stephenson Halls..blegh student accommodation but its not so bad.

59) Where were you born?- Good ol RIPAS

60) Last wedding attended?- My uncles. sometime last year..

63) Most hated food?- GINGER. someone get rid of all the ginger in the world. PLEASE.

64) What’s your least favourite food?- i love food =) soo, the answer to this question would have to be ginger.

65) Can you sing?- I can carry a tune if that's what you mean..I'm alright i guess.

66) Last person you instant messaged?- My uncle Loo Yen. {daddy's orders}

67) Last place you went on holiday?- I haven't been on holiday in aaaaggeess... hmm.. probably London.. right before I had to come back to study.

68) Favourite regular drink?- Water. and OJ.

69) Tag 3 friends:- Whoooo hasn't been tagged yet... *jaws music* Ok, I pick.. Mervin and Wong and Pak Ming. haha couldn't think of anyone else plus nana's blog doesn't seem to be around anymore. =s

70) Current song? - Lots. Saltwater (Thrillseekers Remix) - Chicane.. Freak me - Another level.. yah and loads. =s

..turn up the heat..

2007-01-28T13:34:00.000Z

Hey..

not a very long post today, but I REALLY don't have anything to do now that I have no exams and essays to do so I've been adding stuff to my blog.. well, not really.. but I have added one of those music thingies... just to get everyone into the mood for my upcoming posts ;) haha.. It is a classic song... and is definitely good for setting tha mood *hehe* Enjoy.

..And for all of you who would rather something that is more.. tamer, sweeter... here are a few things that a few actors have said to "What makes a man fall in love?" - a lil self esteem booster for us women.. and to remind us that men can actually be pretty sweet... which is why we fall for them in the first place ;) hehe {courtesy of Glamour magazine (lol)}:

Harry Connick Jr, musician: "The question isn't 'what?' it's 'how much?' No, really, the question is 'who?'. And all of the 'whats' that make up the 'who' are why you fall in love."

Matthew McConaughey: "When you're living and breathing a woman. You know every moment would be better if you were with them. You can't sleep because you can't wait to wake up i the morning to see them or you can't sleep because they're in bed with you and you don't want to go to sleep. Guys do this too, you know."

**Alain de Botton, Philosopher and auther of Essays in Love: "...Why do men often find something attractive in the awkward features of a woman's body or psychology, in precisely those areas where the woman herself would never expect to be appreciated? Because these small irregularities in a woman are a sign of her vulnerability and therefore a promise of intimacy - so become attractive. The gappy teeth, moles, scars or ugly pyjamas are gateways to a more private person - they are the unusual but indispensable gateways to a woman's soul."

**Alex James, musician: "Men are always falling in love. We can't help it. Falling in love is not a rational process. There is something about it that will always remain slightly out of control, and that is mainly because of the other person. Love is not something you can really ever have a plan or even an idea for. The only thing that's for sure is that once the ball is rolling, the more you give, the more you get back. There's only one thing that really makes a man fall in love with a woman and it's the woman herself, the whole thing - worries, weaknesses, warts and all."

..*sigh* so the next time you're feeling crap.. or think that your man doesn't love you or doesn't think you're good enough.. chances are... that it's probably the entire opposite.. ;) So let's forget all our shortcomings and know that those who love us, love us purely because of those shortcomings... whether its your man, or just a friend ;)

Enjoy today people.. bring in your comments, participate.. and let's turn up the heat ;) xx

..oh the disappointment..

2007-01-26T14:35:00.000Z

Hello everyone..

I suddenly realised that I am completely and totally free for the next week and a half or so!!! woohooooo... hehe =D and NANA. This blog is specifically aimed at YOU. I am disappointed!!! 'What is World of Warcraft"???? ..very disappointing indeed.. =/ I will have to educate you my dear friend. World of warchraft is a MMO RPG - a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game. Basically you pick a character, go online, play with millions of real people online and you go questing and kill enemies and all that... hehe. This game is genius. This game could possibly be the only game that has single handedly been linked to job losses, uni failures, break ups, deaths and making and meeting interesting friends online =D haha married couples play it, EVERYONE plays it! it's a phenomenon! haha ok I am sounding waaayy too geeky there.. but yea, its a computer a game =s haha but it's fun.. There has even been a South Park episode on it.. you should check it out it's pretty funny..

And on that note, I will leave you with some screenshots of the game, just to show you what it looks like and stuff. The game is mostly surreal and that's another reason why i like it so much. If you have a good graphics card (hello to all the lucky people who play WoW on Macs) it looks amazing ;) :

An example of how many people can be online at any time..

But yea, enough of that... I was thinking that in the spirit of Valentine's day which I know is a while away.. but February is almost upon us, so I thought why not spice and turn the HEAT up on my blog eh? hehe. The topic for today is kissing.. and let's not be afraid of getting it really heated up guys.. it can get as x-rated as you want. lol. {I'm counting on you Nana, you horny biyatch lol} And each day or whenever I feel like updating, there will be a new topic that you all comment on.. should be interesting ;)

So.. the question for today is.. what is the best kiss you have ever had? Or what do you envision to be the kiss that turns you on the most. And this isn't restricted to just the lips. Aaaannd I don't mean this in an x-rated way either. Let's start off tamely shall we?

Do you like it when the other person bites your bottom lip lightly and then licks it straight after? Or do sweet soft kisses get you everytime? Is your neck a soft spot? {i know mine is ;)} Do you think that your woman wears too much perfume and makeup and you'd rather smell her.. and see her.. without the enhancements..? Do you hate wet kisses?

To get the ball rolling, here is what kinda kiss gets me ON everytime.. haha The kind of kiss that starts of soft.. slow.. almost teasing.. and then slowly feeling his lips move to my neck and ears.. oh and its a plus if he has stubble too.. its all about the senses people! *woo* I can feel myself getting hot already LOL. Alright, don't be shy.. leave your comments! I'm interested. The Lurve Doctor is in and ready to sin ;) haha ok lame. anyway... just participate. hehe...

Till next time ;)

..frostshock!!..

2007-01-24T23:45:00.000Z

Heyllo everyone..
haha yes, the title of today's.. well, more like tonights, post is rawther sad.. it's to do with the ONLINE SENSATION that is the WORLD OF WARCRAFT. As I have undoubtedly mentioned previously, it is damn addictive and now I am hooked and it is definitely the only thing you need. Having problems with your boyfriend? kill on WoW! Boyfriend complaining that you don't spend enough time with him? Spend it on WoW! Hey, it's a lot cheaper than going out to eat no? Minus the calories too =) haha. Yes, I am a geek.

Hmm.. I was thinking of updating my blog earlier.. but I couldn't think of anything to write about =s there's nothing really that interesting that has been happening lately =/ And I don't have anything to B**** about... There must be something wrong with the World... Hmm.. what have I been doing lately anyway...?

There's WoW (ok, I'll shut up about it now..), been watching Heroes the TV series... - it is goooooddd =) you all need to hop onto the bandwagon and watch that too.. hmm.. that's bout it really.. and slowly working towards an essay that'll be due in soon. Meh, how boring. I'd always love to imagine my life to be so much more interesting.. Wouldn't you love to be something like... a secret spy... or or something cool like that... haha I know I would... I would either want to be a rogue or assassin or something.. but a good one... haha.

Anyway I am sloooowwwllly starting to fall asleep so I better go. Hopefully something interesting will happen soon. ;) haha You guys can count on me haha for your daily dose of dramatics and theatrics. =p See ya.

..cigarettes and coffee..

2007-01-14T23:17:00.000Z

Hey guys..
Tonight's post looks like its gonna be a long one... =s so bear with me if you can... ;)

..Humiliation..

..Why do we feel hurt or angry when become humiliated or embarassed?.. When we think that our pride has been punctured...?

Needless to say, this topic arises because, I, feel quite embarassed, or humiliated for the better word, quite recently. I won't go into the details of the how's and the why's; But let's just say I feel like such a fool for getting caught up in something that could all be just a dream - when I should've realised and known better. And it is the thought of my 'dream' being punctured and the fact that I fell into it in the first place, that has caused this bout of humiliation.

I think that it is pretty obvious that once again I have got too caught up in my overwhelming emotions.... and fell.

The actual outcome of this humiliating moment is not as bad as you or even I might think, but it has certainly grounded me and brought me back to earth. (Ah yes, the Earth that consists of essays that haven't been written and exams that haven't been studied for to the best of my abilities!)

..Why is it that I always let my emotions get the better of me?.. I suppose that it is in my nature that to an extent I wear my heart on my sleeve and the fact that I tend to look at people that I meet for the first time without any suspicions until they prove it to me (which is, of course, too late) - this often leads people to think that I am naive, and careless, reckless.. But I cannot hide or try get away from the fact that I am , and I know, that my emotions make up a big part of my life and that it is in me to be able to be overwhelmed by my own emotions. To this extent, I would even go as far as proposing that I trust my emotions with my life.

Right now I am so pent up with frustration, disappointment and irritation at myself for allowing to get caught up in the 'mess' that are my emotions. (They are here, there and everywhere!) Many a day I try remind myself to try take a more rational, logical view of things and find myself struggling.
Oh sure, following my emotions and heart definitely do lead me to many interesting adventures (however risky they may be at the time!) and are not to be looked back upon with regret but always leaves a bag gap for disappointment, or like now, a high level of embarassment. (To me, of course, but then again, I always overreact =s )

But will this stop me from reaching to wehere I previously intended? ...No, I dont think so.. at most, I'd probably look at this as a... side track of sorts.

I looked up the meaning of 'humiliation' on wikipedia and this is what came up:

..Humiliation is literally the act of being made humble, or reduced in standing or prestige. However, the term has much in common with the emotion of shame. Humiliation is not in general a pleasant experience, as it reduces the ego..

..I would usually probably go on to discuss my views on things like pride and the ego, but at this moment in time do not think I am capable.. So I'lll leave it here.. ;)

Wow what a depressing post this has turned out to be, although I shall try leave on a lighter note ;)

Usually I am not the one that listens to an abundant amount of rock songs, nor am I usually a big fan. But I am brought about to a somewhat newer perspective. Of course, take note, this does not mean that I am 'into' rock or heavy metal or whatever now. However, it does mean that in some circumstances I have changed my mind ;)

Lately upon the recommendation of a friend, I have taken an enormous liking to the song Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. To me, it is a love song, that springs hope in me, and to me, the lyrics seem so powerful - the kind that you would think could only be emulated in a rock song and not by any other genre. Not pop or rnb - where you would typically find the stereotypes for 'proper' love songs. Nor even jazz or blues. Now, i could be swayed by the present state of affairs but after listening to it countless times I find that the more I listen to it, the more I can relate to it, and the more I appreciate it. So it is with this that I end my post. They lyrics to this song. (I especially love the lyrics "trust I seek and I find in you.." - everytime that bit comes up, I can FEEEEL it... lol its just the way he sings it..or maybe it's just because of how I've been feeling lately..) Enjoy ;)

Nothing Else Matters

So close no matter how far..

Couldn't be much more from the heart..

Forever, trusting who we are..

..and nothing else matters..

Never opened myself this way..

Life is ours, we live it our way..

All these words I don't just say...

..and nothing else matters..

Trust I seek, and I find in you..

Everyday for us, something new..

Open mind for a different view..

..and nothing else matters..

Never cared for what they do..

Never cared for what they know..

But I know...

So close no matter how far..
Couldn't be much more from the heart..
Forever, trusting who we are..
..and nothing else matters..

Never cared for what they do..

Never cared for what they know..

But I know...

Never opened myself this way..
Life is ours, we live it our way..
All these words I don't just say...
..and nothing else matters..

Trust I seek, and I find in you..
Everyday for us, something new..
Open mind for a different view..
..and nothing else matters..

Never cared for what they say..

Never cared for games they play..

Never cared for what they do..

Never cared for what they know..

And I Know...

So close no matter how far..
Couldn't be much more from the heart..
Forever, trusting who we are..
..No, Nothing Else Matters..

..procrastination and more..

2007-01-12T09:39:00.000Z

Hello everybody!!!

So, I'm up early yet again, with the original plan being that I will most definitely finish reading that supppeerr long case for a "no more than 3000 word" essay that is due in on MONDAY.. yep, I'm dead. But, I dunno.. I just can't do it!! I try.. really I do! last night.. after dinner.. I tried.. and I fell asleep on my computer =s *pout* arrrgghh but I didn't want to moan in this post.. mayb later ya? I thought that since I wasn't doing anything, I might as well update my blog...

Haha just finished reading Nana's.. funny shite man... I love her site.. although her taste in guys... is debatable.. you seem to go for the oldies my darling.. o well.. she's really an old lady on in the inside.. LOL...

Anyway, Happy New Year to everyone! Hope everyone had a blast.. I know I did.. *hehe* well, apart from weird drunk people coming up and trying to kiss me (some on the lips)! (which kinda freaked me out - but very flattering =) ) Although, it is confirmed people, that I will not be marrying a Bruneian, but a very hot Italian man.. I know language will be a problem but there will be no barriers to our love.. kiidddiiinnngg! hahah The scary thing on New Years was that on the way back to the tube station there was such a crush! and people kept on pushing and ugh... you wouldn't exactly like being up close n personal with some old indian dude now would you..?yea enough said, although in the end me, dd and waida ended up getting crushed against 2 very attractive italian men... *ahem ahem* Who later gave us their numbers!!!! when we finally got safely into the tube station. It was llluuurrrvveelly and may I mention that they think I look good with the cuter italian guy.. haha

The crush on the way to the fireworks...

*siggghhh....* lol

So of course more happened during my stay in London.. for example.. my first experience in a gay club... it was.... interesting... considering that my closer friends kinda know that I can be quite hmm.. whats the word here... well lets just say that sometimes it freaks me out! and i'm not saying that I'm not open - I am... but... its complicated ;) anyhoo.. so it was SUPPOSED to be a mixed night... but... didn't seem like it! lol.. it's really sayang tho.. coz some of the gay men were actually pretty hot... but it's like, everyone had their partner n all that... =s Aaaannd then we had a party which me, dd, waida and ern actually hosted and cooked for ;) It was a great night... we had home made lasagna.... turkey.... chickeeenn... mashed potatoes... sweet potatoes.... mmm... and the dessert.. was pretty sinful.. =p All in all, it was a great night.. more deets and pictures to come soon...

Now usually I'd break away from all the boring stuff (up there) and provide you with a thought here n there about who-knows-what.. but you kno what? It's too damn early in the morning.. but that's not to say there's nothing cooking up in my head hehe ;) For the past few days I have been practically living at my desk (since I'm back in Shef).. and you would think.. ohh yes, good girl, studying.. but nooooo.. I've been playing WoW.. the game of all games. Hehe and hving midnight conversations with my quest buddy online about what we think of love and everything that is and isn't deep. LOL @ Me.

I need a sense of adventure.. I've been realising more and more that compared to most people, I am more than likely to welcome a risky adventure here n there... for those who know me best.. you guys gotta know that this is true.. the drama... the excitement *in bored tone* *woohoo* O well, there is a risky adventure in the works guys... No drama because I've pretty much been keeping to myself lately.. hehe anyway in the mean time, here is my new years resolution list...

Stay motivated in my course and try to put my all into it ...BUT...
always make time to spend with ALL my friends - as of lately.. I have NOT been motivated in my course at all... motivation has not reared its ugly head as of late.. and I am still waiting. Although getting my ass moving could always help... =s and juggling friends has always been a tough one for me...
Don't be too worried or let the thought of relationships consume me - HAVE FUN! - if you've been reading my previous posts - you kno what i mean ;)
Spend my allowance wisely - save up! - yep, I'm a bit of a spender *hehe* but I gotta save up for my jaunt to Norway come Easter ;)
Make an effort to call home every once in a while... - I miss my family *sniff*
Go snowboarding!
More dancing! (the proper kind.. not the club kind ;) )
Learn how to play the guitar.. BUT..
Keep up with my piano
Learn how to speak Spanish.

So by the end of the year, you should be expecting, a Nur that can speak Spanish, and play a bit of guitar , yet still be able to play her piano relatively well, one that has improved her dancing skills and can snowboard better than before... who calls her family every once in a while and does not spend overly much, who doesn't care about relationships, spends loads of time with all her friends and is motivated. HMMMM... this is gonna be quite a tough quest... atleast this makes for an interesting 2007. ;)

Anyhoo, I don't have anything more interesting to say nor witty so I shall make a move on... hopefully I'll get some work done before lunch tho i doubt it ;)

Ciao for nowww.. (haha i got that from that series 8 simple rules.. lol it was funny..)

..happy days..

2006-12-12T13:09:00.000Z

Hello everyone..

It's been awhile since I've posted, I've been busy with loooaaads of stuff.. work and play ;) As it gets towards the end of the year I've been more emotional and pensive, I guess whenever it's the end of the year I tend to reflect more and generally start to think about everything that's happened within the year, the good and the bad... and the things that I feel utterly grateful for...

..I think I'd like to start with a list of a few things that I feel make my life, a sort of tribute if you like, to everything that makes me want to live for the next day and to the fullest...

First off, to the 2 men in my life, Ern and Ben... Ern for always sticking there for me even though he's never really agreed with my choice in men.. but it's always because for some reason he thinks that I can do so much better.. I guess that shows what he thinks of me even though he doesn't say it ;) I've known him since primary 1 back in the day when I was in St. Andrews and a little pudgy girl hehe... and Ben.. for giving me the best 4 years of my life.. Even though we're not together anymore, it goes to show that love knows no bounds. Like Ern, he knows my strengths, my weaknesses, my flaws.. everything. And he taught me how to love. The road was never really easy for me and him, but led me on a road that in a big way, has encouraged me to grow into the person that I am today.. He loves me unconditionally, and I, him.

..To my family.. who I know will always be there for me no matter what... My parents and grandparents who have pushed me when I've needed to be pushed.. and without me knowing at the time, in the right direction just at the right time. They might not have let me go, and while I might moan and groan about it, but I know they will, when the time is right. My sisters who have always looked out for me, even though they don't say so.. my brother whom I know loves it when I specifically help him with this homework and bring him on outings with my boyfriends due to the lack of men at home... even tho he doesn't say so. My parents have done a great job on bringing all 7 (now 8!) of us up even though at times they may not think so ;)

To my friends... I didn't want to put up ALL the pictures that I have... but you all know who you are! hehe. What can I say.. my friends have always been the people that I know I can turn to when I need a second opinion... when I'm feeling sh*t or just upset... Many a time has a friend like Nana and Fid listened to me cry on the phone for some reason or other.. Sometimes I feel bad that often I have put other people (like boyfriends) ahead of my friends.. and it worries that sometimes, it may seem like I have taken them for granted.. But that is the magic of friends. Friends will always be there for you.. to understand you, to feel with and for you.. to lend a helping hand or ear... Friends will always be there for you, even though they don't say it at the time..

Now, I know that I was going to include a bit more in my list, but in the "commotion" in all this, I've forgotten what the rest were... which just goes to show.. maybe all of the above are all I really need in this life. I re-read everything that I've written, and I noticed something...there's always something that isn't said... by friends, boyfriends, family...I wonder why that is.. it's funny how most of the time we say meaningless things but when it comes to the things that DO matter, the things that involve our deepest emotions...we get scared... and that's too bad.. It's funny how it takes a lot of courage to say what we really mean. But I guess that's human nature eh... we're scared of being vulnerable, and causes pure things like trust and naivety to be seen as flaws... I guess that's why love is so sought after, and coveted.. because it gives you something that you would never really experience with normal people... in love, you're vulnerable and in that, all those other 'pure' emotions... shine through. And when I say love here, I don't mean being in love with another man, or woman... being university, you realise, that you can love lots of people in an abundant number of ways...

..Anyway, I'm not gonna go on n on about this... you can never really get just one answer when you start talking about emotions...hehe anyway, on a somewhat lighter note, I'd just like everyone to know that I love you all... and I feel so grateful to have met all of you.. you know who you are ;)

Haha.. and the pic of the day.. we had a xmas party down at the bar recently.. and apparently... some girl got it on with one of her friends... haha ;)

Hmm.. I wonder who that coudl be LOL. Hmmm.. tune in later for more updates lol!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!!!! and may God Bless. xox

..ride for you..

2006-12-06T01:49:00.000Z

..it is now, 10 minutes to 2 o' clock and I'm STILL awake... I actually have a perfectly good reason for staying awake this late, albeit a little bit silly.. The reason why I am actually making my self stay awake is the fact that I'm waiting for my laundry to be done because I realised that the shirt I need for a performance tomoro was dirty... so yea... =s ergh... very bad organisation on my part, but hey, its the end of the year, give me a break...

..Speaking of it being the end of the year, I can't believe that it's DECEMBER already! I've been here almost 3 months... thats sad... and pretty amazing... the longest amount of time I've ever been away from home.. It's quite depressing, yet cool, since I'll get to see Nana and co. in London by the end of next week =D and then there are the christmas sales, although I won't be able to go all out as I'd like to.. =s

Lately, I've been swinging crazily between being super depressed and super happy and hyper.. I reckon its more to do with the fact that its gettin towards the end of the year, and I'm sick of doing work and assignments and what not... and I just waaaannttt a holidaaayy already... sheesh...and then there is the problem of the ever growing void that I need to fill.. and I've been trying to occupy myself by surrounding myself with friends, getting really into my work even though I hate it... I guess I'm getting by.. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy, I'm doing great.. but that doesn't mean I'm full.. or whole for that matter. And I'm starting to feel restless, I think that I need to do something completely spontaneous, crazy, risky...yet... life changing.. whether its good or bad..

Ugh I could go on and on right now, I'm pretty much blabbing on n on purely because I need to keep myself awake.. but yea, my laundry should be done by now.. So I'm gonna check on that.. then its sleepy tiimmeee.... *yawn*

Goodnight All.

..rantings..

2006-11-30T17:47:00.000Z

Wow, it's the weekend already! This week has gone by quite quickly I have to say, while there have been ups and downs throughouts the first half of this week, I have to say that in the end, everything has turned out fine and I am feeling quite happy and looking forward to the weekend. (I'm even lookin forward to the work! - while I am most definitely tired and I tend to get a bit lazy towards the end of terms n all that..I seem to have new found motivation.. )

I'm still counting down the days to the December holidays though, to everyone who's going to be in London, I think I'm gonna be over on the 16th/17th, as the last day of term for me is on the 15th! I can't wait to see everyone again, I miss you all! Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait - almost only 2 more weeks to go, and I'm pretty sure those two weeks well go by in a flash ;) In the mean time, since its 11:15 pm here and I'm prettttyyy tired, I'm gonna head off to bed, but before that, a few more pics.. and the results for which super hero I am.. I have to say, the results were quite... shocking as I am in no way 'lean' OR 'muscular' ahah although I AM feminine (I don't care what you say! haha) Man Utd (Blue) and Sheffield Utd warming up... great experience that was.. unfortunately I don't have a whole load of pics of this because apparently we weren't allowed to take pictures during the match =s why not..? anyone know..?

Me, at the freshers ball, there was an oxygen bar, so we all tried it out lol.. quite fun..

Beautiful Cambridge... made a random trip to Cambridge with a friend during my 2nd week...

Aaaannd here, is the superhero result.. while I am quite dubious about the stuff about being 'lean' and 'muscular'.. I have to admit it's better than what Nana got.. haha The Hulk.. but I thought green was your colour darling ;) lol

You are Supergirl

Supergirl		82%
Superman		80%
Robin		72%
Iron Man		70%
Wonder Woman		62%
Catwoman		60%
The Flash		55%
Spider-Man		50%
Green Lantern		50%
Batman		45%
Hulk		30%

Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Gdnight! xxx

..Everybodys Free to Wear Sunscreen..

2006-11-28T22:29:00.000Z

...Yea, I know I've already posted up something already, but I came across this poem.. well, more like I searched for it, but it's a great poem.. One of my favourites definitely, and makes me feel somewhat better whenever I'm feeling down ;)

Everybodys Free to Wear Sunscreen - by Baz Luhrman

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be

it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by

scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable

than my own meandering

experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not

understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and

recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before

you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you

imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as

effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing

bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that

never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm

on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with

people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes

you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with

yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you

succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your

life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they

wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year

olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe

you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky

chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t

congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your

choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,

use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people

think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for

good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the

people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you

should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and

lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you

knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live

in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will

philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize

that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were

noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,

maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one

might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will

look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who

supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of

fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the

ugly parts and recycling it for more than

it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Note: Sorry, I have sorta realised that it's not really coming out the way I wanted it to.. but o well.. you get the idea hehe

..pics galore..

2006-11-28T19:30:00.000Z

Hey guys! I've finally gotten the pics off my camera!! (yaaayyy!) SO, I'm not gonna say anything for now, altho, i probably will later one when I'm feeling more pensive. I'm supposed to be doing work right now so I have to make this quick anyway ;) Enjoy!

Me and Becky.. lol taken on sat night. and what a fun filled night it was ;) I won't say anything more than that. lol.

Amy and I..

Alex, Sam and moiii

Randoms on the street.... haha well no actually they live in the same building as me.

Shocking! haha I don't know why I look so shocked...

Last but not least, the view from my room. quite nice no?

These aren't all the pics that I've gotten off my camera, but there were too many to actually put up all of them ;) Sigh you know what I miss most of all though, how back home we would all just loiter around and do anything.. just chill at a cafe or walk around aimlessly around wherever. lol. Yea, while it probably seemed unbeliveably boring, it's funny how almost everyone here always has a purpose when they go somewhere.. I kinda like how we all never really had a purpose of going somewhere.. just simply to hang out lol.

Sigh, I am quite depressed now. Not really coz of anything, just simply coz I've been having to talk a friend through a rough patch i.e. heartbreak. And well, it's made me really miss having someone there, and the fact that it made me really feel the void that needs to be filled in my life right now. Now, in normal circumstances, I don't really think about all this that much, but just because it's been brought back I suddenly feel quite lonely. O well, it'll pass. I'm not one to actually go looking because well, I've said this before, and I'll say it again, and however more times that it needs to be said, I am a firm believer of "things happen for a reason" and those that come unexpectedly really ARE the most worthwhile. Patience is key. All I can say for now is that nothing is really a coincidence, it might seem like a coincidence at the time, but everything has repurcussions, good and bad, sometimes after a short while after the event has happened, maybe a long while after the event has happened. It may be that the 'repercussion' is tiny and you may not notice it at all. BUT it may be the case that it has a large impact on your life. So whatever happens in life, don't take it for granted. Savour it.

Lol, I was looking through some of my older posts, and I was thinking to myself, WOW... I think waaaaaay too much lol!

Anyway I'm thinking of taking a power nap. There is no way I'm going to get very much else done tonight.

Later =) xxx

..in a feverish state..

2006-11-24T13:03:00.000Z

G'day to everyone, ugh as you have probably guessed from my title for today's post, i am SICK.. it's horrible.. you know that feeling where you feel sensitive all over and your stomach is going a little bit crazy and well you just ache everywhere as well.. that's how I feel.. not a good way to be feeling... but yea, I just finished the IB presentation that was on youtube.. great stuff.. it's made me feel all wistful and a bit sad.. yet, happy.. Don't worry Rez, I don't think anyone could've done a better job than you. And I've still got you and puss booked for when I get married and want something like that lol. ;)

Well, it's approaching the end of the first half of semester one, and as I have previously noted I have not lost my bad habit of procrastination and laziness that seems to overcome me whenever its the end of a term.. =s not good, not good at all... o well.. I wish I had more interesting things to say in this post, but I don't think I do.. hmm...

All I have to look forward to right now is seeing everyone in December when I'm in London and my trip to Norway in Easter.. I might even be hopping over to Venice in Easter as well.. see how things turn out first hehe.. hmm.. I don't have any pics to share with you guys right now, so sorry =( oh btw, to anyone who has pics of me, I doubt any of you actually do, but namely the ones that were for the presentation.. like the one of me in the purple shirt, please could you send em to me? just send it to my gmail account --> nura45@gmail.com

Argh, I don't have anything else to say for now.. maybe later when I've surfed the net enough since I have an abundant amount of time on my hands and don't feel well enough to do any work and come across something interesting.. hehe

Till Later.. I love you all!

..why is it?..

2006-11-20T23:31:00.000Z

*sigh* it is another late night for me, even though I've got a 9 o'clock lecture tomoro but I can't help it.. I was doing work, then decided to watch familyguy for awhile and now I'm quite awake.. although, I'll probably go to bed soon.. but I've got some thoughts so I thought I'd just make a quick blog...

oh btw, props to Mervin (Nana's Stallion baby or something or other lol) because he has got one awesome site, full of thoughtful stuff that well, is just really beautiful ;) You go Merv... x

I've just been in a sort of.. well.. intellectual.. (for want of a better word, although i suppose random could fit in as well haha) about whether you pronounce the letter 'H' haitch or aitch... and I personally think its HAITCH.. because... well, the letter 'H' is supposed to give off that 'h' sound... so... logically shouldn't it be HAITCH and NOT aitch.. sheesh.. hahaha o well...

Anyway, to the more serious stuff thats been plaguing my mind for the past couple of minutes... probably brought on by this site that Merv sent to me way back and it just really touched me.. basically it was about love. Yes, love, that thing that manages to touch your insides so profoundly once you've met the right person.. and its not just your insides.. its your everything.. it touches your senses, your mind.. it goes up to a physical level as well as spiritual.. every touch, every word they say touches you in a way that no other normal person could.. and it makes you go crazy even though you keep telling yourself "stop it!"... What is it that draws us to our eventual significant others? and not on a level that makes you attracted to them on simply a physical level... why? What is it about a person that draws you to them? What if you've never met this individual that makes your heart beat faster and insides giddy and yet... there's that unexplainable something... from merely talking to them? Is there an element of 'fate' that inevitably draws two people together, and sometimes drives them apart? Were you meant to meet that person to learn how to love and give.. and understand... before being driven apart to meet the next person that could teach you more in this crazy experience called life and eventually be 'the one'...? or not and is put there to teach you another valuable lesson in preparation for the amazing experience that you will eventually have with the person that you were put on this World for...? What of the people that are lucky enough to meet that person straight off? Now, I say lucky enough because you will never have to deal with the gut wrenching pain that is heart break.. although in some respects you could argue that by having it that way, you are missing out on the unbelievable experience of loving someone unconditionally, learning to love someone unconditionally..experiencing the heartbreak, getting over it and realising that forever valuable lesson that they were put there to teach you and loving them forever for it... and then finally meeting the one and giving them all that you've got to give...

They say that the most awesome and invaluable experiences are those that come from the unexpected... As someone that has experienced that once, I fully agree. Nothing could feel better than having something suddenly happen out of the blue, and then after awhile realising that that 'thing' was what you have been waiting for... the 2nd piece of the puzzle...the thing that is meant to fill you up just that little bit more.. *sigh* questions, questions.. and no definite answer.. But I truly think, that what was meant to be, will be... and that.. being spontaneous isn't always a bad thing... especially when it comes to unexplainable feelings.. I think that once feelings get to the unexplainable.. that's when you just have to let go and let it lead you to wherever it wants to... irregardless of whether people think it's totally crazy.. or not. Once feelings get unexplainable.. you'll realise that almost everything it leads you to.. tends to be a bit crazy... But that's the best part of it! I don't feel annoyed or whatever being in this position. I feel lifted. I revel in the craziness that is life, I am revelling in the spontaneous and the crazy... because for some reason I have the need, the longing in me to do so... at this point in time, I don't know why.. but it will all come clear when the time comes.. It takes faith. And I have faith in everything that is to come.

I write this while listening to the magic that is Ludovico Einaudi. Some of the most beautiful piano pieces I think. Totally thought-inspiring. I recommend the songs Le onde and I Giorni. Beautiful.

Goodnight everyone! xox

..all I want for Christmas..

2006-11-19T21:41:00.000Z

Hey everyone! now, I know its a bit early to be quoting christmas songs, but hey, I like that song!! plus, there is something which would be all I want for christmas.. but I'm not gonna tell you guys... just yet... =p hehe... hmm.. nothing really THAT interesting has happened during this weekend for me I suppose.. as I predicted, I missed the meteor shower, although, I had a dream about it.. which I KNOW doesn't count but hey, just thought I'd mention that lol. *sigh* I wish I did though, but I was way too tired and I didn't hear my alarm to wake me up hehe.. Today has been a mediocre day, woke up.. did some work, organising.. which is good coz now I'll feel prepared for next week and hopefully will be more productive than I have been lately.. =s

But enough of that boring stuff.. hehe for all you football fans out there, guess who got to watch Manchester Utd. v Sheffield Utd LIVE at Bramall Lane... you got it.. YOURS TRULY =D i have to say, although I'm not a HUGE football fan, although I was quite into it during the world cup, but usually, I don't keep up with the premierships, but yea... I went to watch Manchester Utd v Sheffield Utd on Saturday.. and I have got to say.. It was AWESOME! the atmosphere and everything! with everyone chanting and all that... (it was absolutely freezing though) it was great, for those of you in the UK, I have to say, try and catch a game if you can!! I was a bit starstruck actually being able to see the manchester utd players up close and personal.. okay, well, it wasn't UP CLOSE but you get what I mean. Me and my friends managed to get good seats behind the net n stuff, and it was even more cool coz they were at a cheaper price coz we're students =p and OMG, I don't care if people boo at Cristiano Ronaldo, I LOVE HIM. and he's only 21.. that gives me a chance!! haha. Unfortunately, we (Sheffield Utd... hey, I'm at the uni, i gotta support the home team! hehe) lost, 2-1 but we scored the first goal!! Man U could've scored another one and won 3-1 but Ronaldo kinda screwed up a really easy goal.. both goals were scored by Wayne Rooney and I don't know who scored the Sheffield goal lol.

Okay enough football talk... I'll try post up photos soon.. the problem is that I don't have the cable for my camera so I'm still trying to think of how I can load the pics onto my computer.. Hopefully I can find someone with a card reader. In other Nur news, I'm not going to Norway this December anymore, but I'm targetting Easter. Seriously, I am going to do anything to go to Norway because I've got my heart set on it.. Ern might be going to Venice in Easter so my plan is maybe to go to Norway for 2 -3 days then meet him and his friend up in Venice. I might ask a couple of my friends from here to come so it'll be one nice big group.. any of you interested, PLEASE let me know.. It'll be fun!! we should explore Europe since we have the chance y'kno?

But yea, I'm planning on making my way down to london on the 18th since my holidays start on the 17th and I'm not stickin' around here because all my friends are going back to their respective homes around the UK for the december holidays... so hello people!! We should plan something, meet up! Christmas shopping will be great!! the sales here are awesome during christmas.

Hmm.. I think that's bout it really, I'm sorry that it's kinda boring and I have no pics, but hopefully I'll be able to get some up soon, oh and just as an afternote, any of you addicted to familyguy? hehe well I am.. and like me, you will be too lazy to actually go out and buy the dvds or whatever.. hehe check out this site: http://www.rapetheweb.com/cartoons/familyguy.php if you don't know what family guy is..SHAME ON YOU.. haha I'm addicted to it now.. i LOVE IT.... hehe anyway goodnight guys, hope all of you had a great weekend... x

And here is Nur's song list for the week: Mr. Brightside - The Killers, Rafiki by Zap Mama, *All I Want for Christmas - Mariah Carey (or the one from love actually is good too)*, Drops of Jupiter by Train, Heaven - DJ Sammy, *Set you free - N Trance*, Be Without You - Mary J. Blige, Baby I love your way - Big Mountain (or UB40), Give it up to me - Sean Paul & Keisha Cole, *Kiss from a Rose - Seal*, and if you're with your significant other and need some loving this is a good one! --> Between the sheets - Isley Brothers..hmm and a few trance songs that I can't think of the names right now... ENJOY!

..you did NOT just say that..

2006-11-17T14:14:00.000Z

Salutations everyone, hope everyone is doing grreeaatt... I know I am ;) well.. apart from a few ANNOYING instances but.. let's save the bitching for later haha =p Anyhoo, Norway plans are going full steam ahead which is good, but whether or not it is actually going to happen is still a bit blurry.. o well.. planning it is enough to get me a bit hyper lol.

..It is getting SUPER cold here and I haven't seen the sun for a couple of days now =( which sucks because I LOVE my sun! Those of you in Brunei or any where in Asia for that matter don't know how lucky you are... It's quite depressing when you've spent most of your life in sunshine and suddenly you don't get it for long periods of time.. there is actually a medical term for this depression you can get when you don't get enough sunlight and its called SAD - sunlight (somthing) depression hahaah alright i don't kno what SAD stands for but i DO know that it IS called SAD.. lol oh, and just to add something fun into my blog for once, if you're bored and have an infinite amount of time on your hands, head on to www.myheritage.com <-- that is GOOD fun! Basically, you put a pic onto this thing, and it comes up with people that you apparently resemble or look like.. lol so far I have gotten a whole load of err either korean or japanese singers and actresses lol and even Aishwarya Rai... LOL... for some of the pics you can actually see some resemblances.. but either way, if you don't have anything to do and want some fun, that's the site to go to for now ;)

*she did NOT just say that!* okay, so lately I've been working on a group presentation that I had to do for public law.. which was presented today.. my group did really well, and personally, I think I did alright, all those presentations we had to do in IB really paid off!!! So anyway, there was this particular girl in my group who shall NOT be named.. lets call her A - and she will forever be on my list of people that I absolutely cannot get along with no matter how I try and is just plain CRUEL. First of all, i got annoyed with her in the beginning coz she kept on making excuses as to why she couldn't get certain pieces of work done blablabla my laptop isn't with me blablabla.. and we ALL know that is NOT a valid excuse because the university supplies more than enough computers for all the students to use... and "oh it's not fair for me to present because I'm bad and get really nervous at presenting..." argh! AND on top of that... she's one of those people that are really good at making back handed comments.. especially towards me... the other day.. I had my gym clothes on because I wanted to go to the gym and she said:

A: Oh, are you going to the gym?
Me: Yea i was thinking of going...
A:OH, yea that's really good, someone like you should go because you need to keep fit... I don't need to go because it wouldn't do anything because I'm so slim..

Say it with me people... WHAAAAAATTT... now, I don't have the perfect body but.. there is NO need for you to say that.. it was horrible.. that really got me down.. but that doesn't compare to what she said to me today:

Me: I haven't had lunch yet.. can we go get something to eat before we do our presentation? Im really hungry..
A: Yea, Nur likes to eat *evil laugh*

ARGH! do you know how upsetting that is for someone to say that to you? :'( Oh, she is going DOWN I tell you... DOWN!

*breathe in...breathe out*

Phew.. now that I've regained my composure.. what else is there..? oo oo! apparently, for those of you in the UK in general... if you're interested, on the 19th of November (Sunday) in the early morning - 4:45 am to be exact.. there is going to be a METEOR SHOWER...!! and if you go out to see it, you will be able to see millions of shooting stars.. I think that should be really awesome.. I think i might go with a couple of friends.. if we can get up early enough lol.. although if we're out partying it shouldn't be a problem ;) if i do, i shall take loads of pics... I'm so excited!!!!! Hehe.

Anyhoo, I'm gonna go out soon to look for a costume as there will be a Super Heroes Party in the bar tomoro night in conjuction with the charity for children in need.. I'm possibly thinking of going as WonderWoman.. LOL... but if my friend Matt ends up going as the Red Ranger from power rangers that I am SO definitely going to go as Yellow Ranger.. lol.. this should be good fun.. hehe anyway till next time..

Tata.. x

..Norway, here I come..

2006-11-15T16:18:00.000Z

Soo.. here we are once again, ready to delve into the oh-so-dramatic filled and interesting life of Nur.. haha nah just kidding. Today has been quite an interesting day.. while unproductive.. hehe i guess unproductive in the sense that I did NOT get any work done whatsoever.. lol.. instead I resumed my position as the love doctor and gave a friend some lurve advice.. haha i was on fire!!
So anyhoo, on Sunday it was one of my friend's (James') birthday and so we had a party in their hall and it was great fun with a shisha n everything.. *sigh* reminds me of old times in Brunei.. haha i can't believe i just said that.. "old times" lol. and I'll post the pics from that later..In other Nur news, you will be glad to know that while putting up my laundry just now I managed to hit myself on the lip with my hairdryer... YES, I'll repeat, i managed to hit MYSELF on the lip with my hairdryer... How you ask? well let's look at the details... so there I was, hanging up my laundry, I only have one stand so for some I put them on hangers and hang them on my curtain railing and when I was trying to reach something, I stepped on my suitcase which is one of those plasticky ones and so it went in a bit... So I proceeded to fix it and unzipped the thing and pushed on it from underneath to get it back into shape... of course, my hairdryer happened to be on the top of it and when the suitcase popped back into shape the hairdryer jumped up, hitting me, on the lip. LOL! Somehow I always manage to get myself into situations such as those where everything happens horribly perfectly (if that makes sense)... =s

*Anyone interested in going to Norway?* haha there is quite a story that comes along to this, but I am planning (in my head for now) to make a trip to Norway, on a eurotrip-esque mission. Anyone willing to join me on my journey, please let me know, although I cannot guarantee that I will be with you very much once we hit Norway. lol. If you're wondering, yes this is another one of those Nur episodes which always manage to come out very amusing yet at the same time you think "Only you Nur.. could get yourself into something like this...". Ever since I've been here, I've been realising more and more why people say that to me. It's crazy. But hey, you only live once right? SO this is the time to do EVERYTHING... well maybe not everything but sometimes the least expected things turn out to be the most worthwhile ya know? and it never hurts to explore the possibilities of things and take the road untaken.. or whatever the phrase was in that poem by Robert Frost. I think it's the road not taken..... but yea! hehe.. there you go...

I am speculating that tonight is gonna be one of those nights where I'm scrambling to get everything done.. very reminscent of IB.. you'd think that by now after going through all that.. the tears and everything that I would've learnt my lesson.. apparently not. =s I don't think anyone ever REALLY learns their lesson.. unless its something outrageous like..... i learnt my lesson not to stick my finger in my nose while having glue on it because it got stuck in my nose. hahah how i came up with that i don't know... well actually its in that Roald Dahl book Matilda.

Anyhoo, here are some pictures. Laters!

..late night thoughts..

2006-11-13T22:55:00.000Z

Alright, so this post isn't REALLY about late night thoughts but I've just finished reading a booring chapter on the European Union and I can't really sleep.. plus I've got a splitting headache.. probably induced by the night before.. *hehe* but yea, thought I'd put some pics up

(above) taken when I visited Nana and everyone in London... it was just like old times ;) which means that we all had dinner with lots of cigarettes involved.. lol

(below) taken at the fresher's ball.. on the red carpet.. YES they had a red carpet.. and YES that's red masking tape on it.. =s haha

(above) taken on the 5th November - Bonfire night.. we went to watch fireworks at a carnival at this big stadium... it was amaaazzzinnnggg... apparently there were heart shaped fireworks but i missed it... now, how do you manage to miss something like that...??

(above) taken again during the freshers ball.. the theme was "Bond" it was cool.. they had an ice sculpture made into a 007.. and... they had an oxygen bar.. and and and... they had some character from one of the bond movies which I didn't know about but everyone else did =s and and..... hmmm... yeaaaa... haha

And lastly, but DEFINITELY not least, the laser lights at this club called Gatecrasher.. possibly one of the best clubs here.. Thursday - student night! its beeeoootiful...

I actually a few more photos from the freshers ball but I can't be bothered to put them up just because... hehe.. and plus.. I'm feeling a bit grumpy because of my headache.. =( It's funny how now that I've started to write again I can't stop.. hehe although, at the moment I don't really know what to say except PLEASE MAKE THIS HEADACHE GO AWAAAAAYY =( and I don't have minyak kapak with me here... *sigh* I should probably go to sleep now because I've got a 9 0' clock lecture tomoro morning.. but.. I can't! I need someone to talk to and make me sleep.. haha...

You know what is the most ANNOYING thing in the whole entire world? Public law text books.. I mean, you think that in school we simply put in big words just to make ourselves sound super extra smart...? but this is taking it to a whole new level... while I was doing work just a few moments ago, (I was reading a public law article on the European Union) and I was STUMPED on this one sentence which read something like "this nomenclature is misleading..."... say it with me... Whaaaaattt the (insert expletive here)....??? NOMENCLATURE? what is a nomenclature... and I'm serious, I just sat there for a few minutes thinking... nomenclature? is it REALLY necesary to use that word? and then I decided to go onto word and check out what it was on the thesaurus... and do you kno what it actually meant?? it is another word for CLASSIFICATION... *slaps forehead and groans* sheesh...

Hahah anyway I better get to bed... Laters xox

..sexuality is the key to ecstasy..

2006-11-13T10:44:00.000Z

Why hullo.. (is it me you're looking for..? haha if you didn't know, its a SONG k?) and if you're wondering about the title, I couldn't think of anything, plus I'm listening to a song called sexuality and that's what they're saying.. lol. But on a more serious note, in light of the song, I reckon that there are some aspects to it that may be true.. and it doesn't necessarily have to mean sexuality like sex, it could just mean being intouch with your own sexuality, your sensuality, your body (mind and soul).. I mean , most issues people encounter in life are because of..oh i duno.. self-esteem issues... the whole "i'm not good enough..." "she/he is better than me..." but if you were truly happy with yourself and its okay to love yourself ;) wouldn't everyone be happy? (if not a little obnoxious, but everything in moderation pls ;p) ..and there's the thought of the day done! haha...

You know, it kinda sucks that we're not all in the same place anymore.. everyones making new friends.. well, I know I am.. I've got a great group of friends here in Stephenson Hall (which is where I stay) and they're all decent.. as in.. we all balance work and play.... i think...? haha.. well they're all sensible.. i mean, there are 3 medics in our little group.. and yea, that pretty much explains everything.. but apart from my partners in crime here in Stevo, I've got.. (hoes.. in different area codes... haha sorry i don't know what's wrong with me, I'm thinking in song atm..) a 'family' in a place called Ranmoor House which is considered to be the dodgier halls in Sheffield (yes, my place is poooosh..) but the guys are lurvely and the girls are fun.. and they have all decided that I am an unofficial member there. It is a long story as to how I actually got to know all these people in a place where I don't even stay... But I'll save that for next time.. Suffice it to say they make sure I go there atleast 2-3 times a week.. many a crazy thing has happened there.

Oh btw, if you're wondering why the pictures are all over the place, I'm wondering the same thing atm.. I can't get the thing to do what I want.. So I'm just going to leave the photos wherever the end up haha.. that first one is us at Stevo, getting ready to go to a pajama party at the bar hehe.. it was fun.. from left to right its Becky, Amy, Matt, Me and Chris.

I think I've got pic thing figured out now. but I can't be entirely sure.. anyhoo, this is us before leaving to the freshers ball..
Okie doke.. i wanted to put up more pics but its being annoying so I'm gonna leave it here for now and maybe put up a separate entry with just photos... Laters... xox

..I'm Back!!!..

2006-11-12T13:17:00.000Z

Hello again everyone!! I really don't know what to say since I haven't actually written in this blog of mine in aaaaggeesss.. and apologies to everyone who was waiting on me to actually update it.. =s I've been so busy with my course it's unbelievable.. but, everything is going smooooothly so that's great.. I probably won't write much today but just thought I'd let you guys know that I am back on my blog ;)

If you guys are wondering, Sheffield is GREAT, so you should all come down here and see moi, because, if we're being honest, I'm great too.. haha kidding. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. hehe. If I seem a bit hyper it's because I am..slightly.. hehe..I will be posting up pictures soon so don't worry. This is all just really something to help me get started again.. plus I was bored and finished my work and have to go to a choir thing at 3 (which means I have to leave at 2:30) so I decided to fill some time in by writing.

To Ayu: Ayu, I now know what you meant when you said that thing before I left.. about the drama that I sort of seem to bring about wherever I am...? I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN NOW!! hehe but the juicy, interesting details will have to wait ;)

To Nana: I can't wait to see you again during the xmas hols.. about 5 more weeks to go! It'll go by in a flash.

Normally at this point in time, I would try and put in a lil philosophical something about realisation and being away and all that.. but I can't particularly be bothered right now.. but never fear, being Nur, there is always something on my mind, so look forward to my next post ya?

Sadly, if you haven't already guessed from my msg to Nana, I won't be coming back to Brunei for the december holidays because I've got exams and assignments to do right after the holidays and I'm not bringing all my law books back home.. they are THICK!! and plus, I procrastinate so much when I'm here, I don't think that I'd actually do much work when I'm back home.. that's not to say that I don't miss home.. I, surprisingly miss it too much.. Sadly, I miss the mall (haha of all things!)... I miss everything and everyone back home.. There really is no place like home.. *sniff* BUT enough of that! hehe.. but yea, I think that I'm really growing up here, and finding myself.. which is good... anyhoo, I must get back to some work before I go..
I will be back!
xox

..Eureka!..

2006-09-05T02:01:00.000Z

Ok, so call me a spoilt little brat but yesterday was a cccrraaapppyyy day. NOTHING was going my way.. and when I say this I mean nothing was going my way because I couldn't get the new laptop that I wanted because the new stock only comes in on Wednesday.. ontop of that my dad is stressing me out about my medical thing for my VISA which I still have not done courtesy of my laziness but hey, I'm starting this afternoooooonn... at least I'm getting started right??? RIGHT??? haha Okay so I am a spoilt brat but atleast I admit it, and this isn't ALL the time.. just sometimes, when I'm having a bad day and PMS-ing.. I'm really not ready to go .. mostly because it's so soon and it's sorta crept up on me without me even realising it.. but if I think about it I guess I'm sorta looking forward to it because it's an entirely new experience and I can be left to my own devices.. only not straight away because I have a full entourage of daddy and grandparents accompanying me to send me off.. o well..

Oh, I took that quizfarm thing from Naj's blog and surprise, surprise, law was definitely not at the top of my suggested majors:

You scored as Education/Counseling. Related majors that match your highest scored category: American Sign Language, Art Education, Business Education, Counseling, Early/Middle Childhood Education, Music Education, Physical Education, Psychology, Rehabilitation Services, Social Work, Special Education.

Consider all majors in your OTHER high scoring categories. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring.

Education/Counseling

94%

Religion/Theology

88%

Visual&PerformingArts

81%

English/Journalism/Comm

81%

Accounting/Finance/Econ

75%

Psychology/Sociology

69%

HR/BusinessManagement

69%

Nursing/AthleticTraining

50%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

44%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

44%

Physics/Engineering

38%

History/Anthropology

31%

French/German/Spanish

19%

Mathematics/Statistics

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

Did you see that??? Early/childhood education??? Which is what I finally decided would be best suited for moi... even counselling.. well, I am fully convinced that my last minute choice was what I should end up doing. Ok, I admit it was pretty unfair to my parents telling them last minute that I wanted to change course.. and it's not like I'm not gonna do law.. sigh.. I will look at doing the law course as a.. preparation of sorts before I go and do this whole education thing.. besides.. most education courses only let you in after you've done another course in something first.. Plus I can always look at it in a way that "smart" people do law.. hence, making me a "smart" person.. LOL..

Speaking of smart, here's a question.. would you rather be a pretty ok looking person, brilliantly smart and has a really good future ahead of themselves (good future being nice house, nice EVERYTHING - in terms of material things) but has no social life whatsoever? Or would you rather be an ugly looking, but has a great social life and could potentially have a bright future because you're not that dumb but then again not that smart either?

Of course if the world was perfect we'd all be super great looking with super intelligence and everyone would be content and happy with life.. but since the world will never be perfect it's hard to strike a balance... I've decided, along with the decision that I now want to be involved with education or child care kinda stuff.. that my view of being content with life has changed.. I think now, well, my view on this has never really changed anyway but I've realised that if I do become a lawyer I would not be able to acheive what I want.. because once you have something in abundance.. like for example money, nothing will ever be enough.. and to me, that isn't fulfilling enough for me. I reckon, if I do become something like a teacher.. I'll be able to live comfortably.. travel (potentially).. I don't need a big house.. I don't need a lot of material things.. so yea.. I guess that's also how I knew that I definitely do not want to be a big hot shot lawyer.. but I bet I could be if I wanted to.. LOLOLOLOL.. ROFL..yea, right. I'm the sort of person that hates conflict.. I give in most of the time unless I am really passionate about a certain something involved in the conflict.. and you think I would make a good lawyer?? hahah.. although.. apparently I have a really good game face when I play guitar hero which my sisters say would probably work really well in court because there's no emotion whatsoever.. LOL at me again... haha..but yea, to all those people who have it all.. to smarts, looks, the ability to juggle a social life and work and sports and music and all that other mumbo jumbo.. - the world hates you =D

Puss! I miss you too!! - doesn't anyone go out??? sheesh... anyway hopefully I'll be seeing some of youse when I make my "giving out invitations" route..

Until later..

..in a constant state of denial..

2006-09-03T02:21:00.000Z

Wow.. It's been ages since I've blogged.. I guess in a way I've been neglecting everything, I haven't actually been online since God knows when, I sure as hell haven't really been contacting any friends (sorry guys..) etc. etc. If you're wondering what I have been upto, I've pretty much been just vegging around, watching series upon series of CSI and other assorted movies while slowly becoming a spinster and doing my cross stitch while watching said CSI and assorted movies. At night, usually, I do make some effort and I go out to see Ben. If you're wondering what brought on this change.. I've been thinking and I think it's the fact that I've been completely demoralized and therefore have crawled back into a shell that I suppose I've been constructing in case I ever do have a demoralizing moment. Nana sorta knows whats happened.. but for the uninformed individual here it goes...

See, I was supposed to go to Warwick..I visited the bloody campus while I was in UK during my summer holiday.. I've picked accommodation there, I've envisioned my life there.. but nooooo they will not accept me on account of I got one blooody point less than what they wanted.. ugh.. so yea I'm not gonna go on and on but that's the gist of it.. and ontop of that, I've decided that law is really not the career for me.. I've figured out what I'd like to be doing besides law.. but nooo.. I got into a row with my dad and now, I have been "brainwashed" into thinking that "yes! law is for me! yay law!!!" ugh... give me a break.. I have a sister who is doing a peanut cake degree like fine arts, i mean, sorry to all you artists out there, but I mean, in the long run.. how successful could you possibly be, having a fine art degree.. most artists only get famous when they're dead... I understand if you're doing a graphic design or some shit like that.. but yea I think you get my point. Anyway so yea, I have a sister who is doing a peanut cake degree liek fine art and my dad won't let me do a teaching degree.. he says I have to do lawwww first then I can do whatever I want. Which is fine I guess, but seeing that I'm the only one out of the 8 children that will probably do law, once I graduate and do whatever I wanna do... I KNOW I will be pressured into running the law firm.. and knowing myself, I will feel bad if I don't. Argggghh... And then I find myself caught in between a cock and a hard place.. (haha remember that joke baby?)

During my long long period of self pity and demoralization I was thinking..(as I always do) and I wonder if anyone actually lives there life without being in some constant state of denial or being affected in some way or another.. I mean, if you think about it, in one way or another, we are always in some sort of phase of denial.. we are in denial about how good or bad looking we are, how fat or skinny we are, how smart or dumb we are... but if we accept for instance how good looking we are, we're considered vain.. up ourselves.. you name it.. but if we don't accept how good looking we are and think we're ugly.. then people eventually get bored of telling you that you look fine... and in the end you end up in some sort of state of depression because you have low self esteem and bla di bla di bla... I wonder if anyone actually lives their life accepting everything that come their way... but being such complex creatures we are always affected by something or other.. our emotions.. other people's emotions.. our surroundings.. our personalities.. we are too complex to ever be simple so much as to just accept everything.. plus, life would be boring if everyone accepted everything albeit there would be less wars.. *sigh* I'm glad I decided to actually go online today and publish something.. I feel a lot better.. maybe I'll come out of my shell soon.. but yea, I hope everyone is getting along fine with their universities and what not.. NANA darling, I will call you soon and you better tell me you piece of juicy gossip! hehe..

Oh, and to all my IB-ans, since I'll be going to Sheffield instead of Warwick, I have to leave earlier than expected.. basically next week will be my last week here.. I'll be leaving in 10 days as of today... (if you still don't get it, I'm leaving on the 13th)... which is waaaayy to soon for me.. I'm not ready! =( but, neither of us will be when the time comes.. but yea anyhooo.. there'll be a party at my house this coming saturday, with a dj.. shisha... food.. the works.. be expecting an invitation from me soon!!! You'll have to RSVP and tell me if you're coming or not ya? ok.. I'm out.. maybe I'll post again later..

Till Later..

..Couples that eat together, Stay together..

2006-08-22T05:04:00.000Z

So this morning instead of going to work I thought I'd go visit the school and then make my way to the Ministry of Education to get those medical form thingies so I can do my medical check up for my visa.. AS USUAL.. me and Ern got lost trying to find where on Earth the stupid counter for the medical forms were and ended up walking all over the MoE building before I finally gave up and had to make my way to my driving lesson (we did parking today btw =) hehe just incase you were wondering.. and if you're not.. you should be =D nothing could be more important than MY life hahaha)..Well, I bumped into Ayu, Reza, Wil Ni and Mukul at school.. so that was quite "eventful" haha since I haven't actually seen anyone in a VERY VERY long time... and no I'm not anti-social.. I am just busy (AYU =P)...

So anyhoo, I'm still waiting for a reply from Warwick Uni. I think I've gone into clearing because I didn't get 36 points.. but c'monnn... ONE point less??? and I got 6 in the important areas like English and Business... So yea I should be hearing from them before or by the 24th.. (AND btw.. Congrats to REZA for getting an offer from Kent..) sigh.. I don't like waiting.. and you know what annoys me? the fact that my dad has been reading whatever mail I get from the uni's, leaving me in the dark as to what I have to do.. sheesh.. one day he has to realise that I'm not a baby anymore (ok, well I guess I am sometimes but you get what I mean!) and that he can't do everything for me anymore... and yea, so I stumbled across this envelope that was sent to me from Warwick giving me preparation stuff for just incase i get accepted and apparently I have a list of recommended books for me to do background reading on before I go.. and I'm like "whhhaaaattt???" I had no idea!!! so now I think I'm gonna ask my dad if I can stop working to try and do some reading... urgh.. oh well.. the plus side on this is that I don't have to go to work anymooooorrreee... the down side is that I have to actually try and read, make notes and understand all this complicated law stuff... ergh... (Note to self: Next time pick something more easier like... teaching! or or... something else.. oh wait.. it's too late for that now... aiyoooo... -_-)

Moving on, moving on.....

I was having this conversation with Ben the other night and we were talking about how long we've stayed together and how we've never actually had a dull moment.. that kinda stuff.. and I said Couples that eat together, stay together... and I think this is very very true.. WHY? well..I was thinking.. generally, when you first get married, or get together... some people tend to put on weight because whenever you go out together you tend to go and eat.. hahaha of course this could simply because there is no other form of entertainment in Brunei besides getting down and dirty somewhere but so what? This is my theory hahahaah... yea anyway back to the matter at hand.. I think it's true.. here's my "scientific" input into the whole thing.. see, when you eat.. you satisfy your hunger and when you're eating something particularly good (like chocolate) your body is probably releasing something like endorphins which make you happy.. hence, a happy relationship (LOL) and well, what could be more fun than eating?? (haha besides that *ahem*) I mean, food doesn't shout at you.. doesn't say mean stuff to you... and it makes you feel good... hahahah but thats straying a teensy bit off topic.. Also things like going out to eat makes sure that you two are together and you get to see each others habits and just spend some time together talking about whatever in a relaxed environment.. Haha I was thinking, during this conversation with Ben, that it is true, that most of the time that we've gone out together when we first started seeing each other as well as a bit after we were sorta steady, that our dates would always be dinner dates.. or lunch dates.. or tea dates... hahaha of course as a professor, I say that this theory is totally true.. or it could be because I'm a fatty and love food hahahaahah... Bear with me.. =p

BUT seriously... in a country such as Brunei.. where people's favourite past times include eating or going to cafe's which are in GREAT abundance here, as well as restaurants... how boring could your relationship potentially be if you just stay home and watch TV? or or.. I don't even know what else there is besides doing that if we're not including food.. and this is ESPECIALLY if you're not the type that likes going out to places like the mall to just go around aimlessly, without a specific reason... Of course you could always go exercising together.. but lets face it.. I bet you'll all go stuff yourselves after ;) (well.. that's probably what I would do... *blush* hahahah) Hmm.. what else could couples do together in Brunei? ......*complete silence*

See? Nothing!! Unless you're married I guess you could put somewhere in there, "making babies" because the people here just love populating the area so they can say they've got a big family and can collect more green and red packets during Chinese New Year and Hari Raya =D

Sigh.. anyway I better get moving and get ready my medical check up and all that.. I think I'll be going this afternoon.. anything to escape work.. I seriously just feel like doing nothing right now.... argh I feel so annoyed now, but at nothing or no one in particular, I just am. I hate this feeling. Anyway maybe I'll post something up later. Laters.

..Awwwwww..

2006-08-20T10:14:00.000Z

Wow.. 2 posts in one day... woo-hoo you all can call me super woman now... haha I would've saved this post for later, like tomoro since I don't have to go to work because it's a public holiday (everybody say it now "YAYYY!" ugh) and I would've done it at night after gallivanting around Brunei, doing nothing but since I've got time on my hands and I'm somewhere where I can actually get internet.. why not?? Haha..

Anyhoo, there isn't much that I want to say right now but I have the cuuutteesstt picture ever so I thought I'd put it up... but that's for later..let's get straight to the chronicles of my ever boring suffocated life..hehe..

SO, do any of you actually read the Brunei Times? I suggest you do.. because I reckon that it is a HUGE improvement from out other newspapers irregardless of who owns it.. (if you don't know about the gossip surrounding it or what I'm talking about, I'll tell you some other time) The other night I read an article in the Brunei Times with the headling Events show why Brunei is losing on tourism...And that really got my attention.. I was thinking "Criticism? In a newspaper? About Brunei? Wow..." haha I mean, I think we can all safely say that we are in dire need of a reform or atleast some small changes in some of the ways things are done here.. and how else are we supposed to change for the better if some constructive discontent (o0o0o0.. yes, I was a DT student haha) is allowed?? Did you know that currently in Brunei the law system only JUST introduced special laws for punishing minors and juvenile delinquents? That's so embarassing.. For a country so rich, we should not have such backward ways.. whether we are trying to stick to our culture or not.. there are ways around that... *phheewww* I think I should shut up now.. but you get the idea =) anyway for those of you that can, pick up a Brunei Times.. read it.. I reckon that there could be quite a few interesting articles. not to mention better grammar, and writing skills...

Sigh.. you know what makes me sad..? Seeing all the poor dogs on the road..If I had the money, and the support.. I would love to create an animal shelter of some sort..I mean, just because this is a muslim country doesn't mean that we can mistreat animals such as dogs merely because its 'haram' or whatever.. I don't remember learning anything about poisoning or killing dogs because they're 'haram'.. dogs are creatures that are made by God and to me that's all that matters..I don't see why we have to treat certain things differently and vice versa etc etc...anyhoooooo.....at this point I could probably go on and on about my religious views but I don't think I should..not today anyway ;)

o0o0...I just finished reading Nana's post and I'm definitely looking forward to the gathering at Manjaro on the 23rd of this month as well as Naqib's party at the beach on the 26th...OH and for those of you who don't already know, school officially re-opens TOMORRO..anyone for dropping by?? Let me know ya? hehe..oh and Nana darling.. I love you toooo!! I can't believe you actually feel that way about me..I suddenly feel... empowered.. LOL hehe.. anyway you shouldn't feel that way.. you're beeooootiful my bootylicious, bi-sexual chum.. hehe anyway can't wait to see you on the 23rd.. you have A LOT to tell me..and yes,I do realise by now that you are a notorious cheapskate but I love you nevertheless and I sms you usually in hopes that you might actually reply.. haha I won't give up on you! haha...

As always, here is a cuuuuuttteeee picture to light up everyone's day today =)

Let's say it all together now.. AWWWWWWW.... hehe..till later..

..it's just one of those rainy days..

2006-08-18T05:17:00.000Z

Sigh.. it's been raining like CRAAZZYYY aaanndd guess what? I am sick yet AGAIN.. it's weird because I got sick last weekend and now I'm sick again this weekend, hence the late post. It's stupid! I felt all groggy and stuff and I seriously got a high high fever.. that sucks.. So I just pretty much spent friday afternoon and night lying in bed trying to get my fever to get down and praying that what I had was just a stomach flu and not TSS (toxic shock syndrome - which girls can get from using tampons.. or they can just get it because we're like that.. actually not really, anyone can get TSS but yea, I won't go into the details here.. go google it =) ) So yea, now its Sunday and I'm better thanks to the panadols and lying around at home doing nothing but vegging.. ok, well I wouldn't say nothing.. on Saturday I made sure I managed to drag my butt out of bed so I could go to fratinis to celebrate my awesome mandarin IB results with Ms. Tracey.. Yay! hehe.. it was fun..

OH yea, speaking of which, I reckon we should go visit school once school opens again.. apparently now they have projectors in all the rooms and the intercom works... haha and I doubt they'll be using it to play techno music hahaahahah I will never forget that kacang'd episode lol.. well the one and only episode.. hee hee...

ooo oo! was anyone out on Saturday night???? OMG there was such a HEAVY thunderstorm.. it was almost national geographic material.. posts were falling down... and you could see the wind patterns.. it was crazy.. and we just happened to be sitting outside of chill while it was all happening *drama drama* haha.. but on the serious side, it was really scary.. apparently it was because in Sabah they're having hurricanes right now.. fortunately Brunei just happens to be in a "safe spot" so we don't get tsunamis, hurricanes, typhoons or earth quakes because I THINK we're in the middle of a plate and we're so far in and barriered that by the time any natural disaster comes our way its pretty much settled down and all that...

Apart from that, I watched the movie Click with Adam Sandler, and as with all Happy Madison productions a few of the crew made cameos like Rob Schneider as Prince Habeeboo haha.. but yea, overall it was a good movie.. it's nice if you go watch it with your significant other or for a date.. It's one of those "meaning of life" movies but yea.. it's funny and meaningful.. I actually cried at one point.. haha.. But hey, I cry at a lot of movies.. but I reckon if any of you guys watch it, you just might shed a tear or two as well ;)

I was talking about this with Ben the other night and don't you find it cool how Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller both kinda have their own "gangs"? Hehe like in Adam Sandler movies you always get Rob Schneider, David Spade or the people in Grandma's Boy making cameos.. and in Ben Stiller movies it's always Luke and Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn.. hehe It's pretty cool.. and here's a bit of trivia for you guys.. hehe Did u notice that in all Ben Stiller and Adam Sandler movies they're aways Jewish because they're Jewish in real life? (I think that's pretty cool) oh, and if you've watched the movie Billy Madison starring Adam Sandler, you know how there's this one family which always bullies him and stuff and they're called the O'Doyles.. well in Click they're also a family called the O'Doyles, who are red-heads as well who always bully Adam Sandler as well... hehe it's pretty cool.. but yea, for those who haven't watched Grandma's Boy I suggest you do.. that is one FUUNNNYYY movie.. hehe

But hmm.. what do you think you'd do if you had a universal remote? would you want one in the first place? It's funny how the things that we actually want to miss or speed up might actually be the events in life that we remember most of all and make the most impact in our lives.. and in actual fact, pretty much pass us by quicker than we imagined anyway... Anyhoo, you guys should just go watch the movie if you haven't. =p

That's it for now..here's another comic that I came across.. Enjoy.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

..You think you know..

2006-08-17T06:44:00.000Z

..I'm in the office and I'm pretty bored.. Just handed in the work that we finished so now I'm waiting for how well we did (or not..haha) and some new assignment(s). So for now I am tooottaalllyy bored and I can't keep on playing text twist for any longer.. my brain doesn't seem to be functioning..Luckily I brought my laptop in so I can listen to my lurvely muscic while being bored.. LOL..

..But you have NO idea..

So how should I start? Well, for those of you who think that lawyers are bad people, or unfeeling people, or mean and nasty people.. you're wrong.. I'm glad that I decided to work in a law firm during my holidays because I really get to see both sides to the story and my conclusion so far is that lawyers aren't the people that are inhuman or unfair - the people that actually HIRE the lawyers are the ones that are mean, greedy, inhuman and unfair.

So in my previous post I mentioned about how we went to do the re-posession of a house? Well, that whole trip really opened my eyes into the way people tend to perceive lawyers and what they do.. What happened was these 2 BROTHERS are always in dispute and the older one wants the younger one to move out of this piece of land that lawfully, belongs to the older brother. So the younger one is given months notice to move out, doesn't make an effor to move out, so upon the ruling of the court and orders of the older brother, we had to go there with the police, court bailifs, and locksmiths to "take-over" the place and change the locks and if they want to move the rest of their stuff out, they make an appointment with the court and the lawyers to then go there and retrieve the rest of their stuff.

So when we got there, it looked like they had moved out.. but upon inspecting the place we found out that their in fact still living there - illegally. And then it got dramatic.. the wife came home.. caused a big hoo-haa about it then made a few calls.. then inevitably the husband came home.. and made an eve bigger hoo-haa over the whole thing.. and what really made me realise the mistake people make when perceiving lawyers is that he came up to one of the lawyers and saying all kinds of things like "you're in human" "inconsiderate" "not compassionate" and I'm there thinking.. it's her job!! She's been ordered by YOUR brother... whether or not she accepted the case is of course up to her, but if she decided to not help her client.. I would say that's pretty incompassionate.. because someone is coming to you for help and to turn them away.. whether they are wrong or right, I would say is in some ways cold-hearted. And true, you do get good lawyers, greedy lawyers and bad lawyers, but it's all up to human characteristics... and that's just it isn't it? A profession doesn't make someone bad, or greedy or inhuman.. it's the PERSON that makes his/her profession however way they want it to be.. and it's the people bringing charges against other people.. it's the family, the friends, the banks WHOEVER... that I really consider to be the inhuman ones. So think again, before making judgements on lawyers.. or police officers.. or anyone else for that matter... I think it would be hard to try and do your job while having someone saying things to you to your face and not being able to do anything about it,.. And yea, sometimes it is the system itself that causes things to be slightly unfair or whatnot,.. but the way I see it is that if you want to change the system, you have to be IN the system.. so yea..

*phew* Anyway I think that will be all for today hehe I'm sooooo tired....!

HAHA anyway, thanks mei for the nice comic site!! hehe I think I will get daily cartoons from there hehe.. Sooo, before I go, here's a comic to brighten up your day..

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

..Do I look fat in this?..

2006-08-16T12:09:00.000Z

Today's been a hard day at work but luckily I managed to finish my work! yay! That means tomorrow I'll get something new =) Speaking of tomorrow.. it's going to be fun fun fun!! We'll be doing this thing with the police where we will have to go to this place and evict someone from it.. because he's staying there illegally.. Ok, I know evicting someone isn't the best thing in the world.. but it's dramatic.. so sue me =p

Ugh.. I'm writing this post up in west street because I can't get ANY internet at home so I've had to resort to going out to go on the internet.. which sucks.. because that means that I'll actually have to PAY for a drink and all that.. haha I'm such a cheapskate..

"..Do I look fat today?"
"Honestly?"
"...yea..."
"Yea, you kinda do....."

Has anyone ever said that to you? In some ways you'll be lucky if someone has, because I've only been told that by two people. My sister, and my one of my oldest and bestest friend. And this got me thinking....
.....when I got home and got ready to go out n stuff, I started thinking about something my parents used to tell me and my siblings.. which was basically that when you get older you should be so lucky to have so many good friends around you.. because in the end, even though you've made a ton of friends in uni and in high school, at the end of the day, you'll only really keep in contact and still be great friends with a handful of people. They say that you'll only ever be able to count the number of REAL friends you have on one hand.. and even at this stage, I've found that to be true. It's funny though that thinking back, even though you would think that I would be hurt that someone actually said that I don't look good in something but, I didn't.. I took it, because I knew that it would come from someone who meant it in a caring way..

To date, I can only really say that I have maybe 2 or people in my life that I can truly say are my REAL REAL friends. This isn't saying that all my friends from school and IB and all that aren't my friends.. but friends that are REAL REAL friends are different. Surprisingly my 2 best friends in the world are guys.. haha okay, maybe the sexuality one of them is debatable (haha sorry ern) but yea...

Ern ern ern ern ern... what could I possibly have to say about Ern? hehe Well, I've known him since PRIMARY ONE.. surprisingly enough he's the only one from St. Andrews that I still keep in contact with regularly and sometimes daily.. He's been there through the good times and the bad.. We've been pissed off with each other, we've fought, he's made me cry all that kind of drama and yet... we're still good friends.. He knows SOOO much about me and my past. He's been with me through all my phases, through most of the guys that I've liked back when I moved to ISB and he was still in St. Andrews...sigh..through all my BAD BAD hairdo's HAHA.. we've both come a long way. Haha it still remains that when I have children he will be the wacky (sexuality debatable) uncle that hangs around LOL... I can always count on him to give me an honest opinion, which I don't always follow but STILL... hehe He's great.

Sigh.. my baby..Ben has known me for 4 years now.. and we've never had a dull moment together.. it's hard to believe that being with the same person for 4 years (even though for some time it was on/off and then we broke up last year for quite a long time...) you don't get bored.. I know I've given him a hard time.. He's the only person I know off (besides Ern) that puts up with my SHIT... my mood swings.. my PMS moments.. times when I've changed as a person,. .he's always been there.. I wouldn't say that during our time together everything was smooth and what not.. it definitely WASN'T.. but you know when you have something good going if even though you go through instances where u definitely think "this is it, it's over" but somehow you manage to fix it. He knows all my bad points, and yet he's always taken the good with the bad when it comes to me. There have been instances when he has really disliked me but it's comforting to know that he loves me nevertheless.. and I feel the same way. I think he knows me the best of all.

Sigh.. sometimes I feel bad that I've given up friends in the past for other things, or just not let a proper friendship happen and gotten to know people better... but I guess... if it was meant to happen, it would have... of course there are people that I'm close to (Nana, Kaka Fidah, Fid, I love you! haha) and to me, they're getting to be my REAL REAL friends soon..This has been quite a melancholy post, but I guess I was feeling a bit emotional (as I often do) and had to let some people know how much they mean to me. I guess the fact that we'll all be leaving soon has really gotten to me.. Because once you're away.. it's good to know that you'll always have someone back home, or somewhere else in the same country that you can go and talk to, or relate to.. because it's hard to create real bonding friendships when people have no idea about your past, or where you're from..unless for some reason or other you just click... But either way, I'm definitely looking forward to making new friends abroad.. without forgetting about all my old friends back home.. I love you guys.. =D

Till later...

..a sense of poise and rationality..

2006-08-15T01:16:00.000Z

Wow, I just read through everyone's blogs and I am suddenly feeling very depressed..ok, I wouldn't say serious per se but just..pensive I guess..and the reality just sorta hit me that some of us will all be leaving some time next month and not only that... I mean I think that pretty much all of us will agree when we say that the 2 year IB course went by really quickly.. and just thinking bout that reminds me that all of us will probably only be in uni for another, what, 2 or 3 years? add a year or so if you do masters. And that will go by just as quickly as the IB programme. How can we all make sure that in those few years we don't screw up? Or take everything for granted and let things pass by without us noticing it? Sure, time is fleeting and it's sure to pass us by in a flash.. There's nothing we can do about it. All we can do is just enjoy the ride and make sure that everyday we live as though it was our last. Sure, it's easy to say and not to do, but it's like that book I was reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" (see earlier post).

I think I'd like to die somewhat like that, with all my loved ones near by. It sucks how we all wish that we could live life a certain way but our characteristics some how or other just don't let us. It's a struggle. How do you love everyone? Or if not love everyone fully, love some to a certain degree that you can remain patient even though they are annoying the hell out of you?? How do you manage to just sit and listen to someone, listen to their whole story without fighting the urge to butt in with your own problems? In some ways I reckon that people that have contracted fatal illnesses or come across some life-changing event have, in a way, learnt the essence of life. I say this because I reckon that if you've gone through that you realise, there's this life-changing event and yet, everything around you is the same, the Earth hasn't stopped moving just because of this "thing" that's happening to you. You realise that things do not revolve around you, nothing changes simply because of you. YOU change because of the things around you. I think it must be a very humbling experience. (Not that I would exactly want anything like this to happen to me, or to anyone that I love, but I try to learn from people that have experiences such as those; "Tuesdays with Morrie" --> a must read. Haha I'm like advertising this book like there's not tomorrow huh?)

Anyhoo, I think that the above is the type of mentality I'd eventually like to have.

Aaaaannnddd lets stop all this serious thinking and think about FUN things shall we? For those of you who don't know, and missed the message Nana has left, Naqib is celebrating his birthday on the 26th of August at the Beach. Which beach I'm not entirely sure, but if and when I find out, I'll put it up somewhere. Woohoo, another beach outing. Hopefully my lungs will be unclogged and my nose cleared (as well as my throat) so I can enjoy and smoke like a chimney again.. LOL.. Aren't I the healthiest person on Earth? =D Whatelsewhatelsewhatelse... hmmm.. PEOPLE please go ouuuttt! hehe I haven't seen anyone for the past week ( I think). *ahem*NANA!*

Oo and for those of you who are jobless and are bored, haha try this game on Yahoo! Games called text twist! hehe it's a new favourite of mine, and I play it all day at work.. I mean, when I've finished all the tons of work I receive everyday and all that... HAHA... Fid deserves a shout out, for those of you who don't know, he had his driving exam a few days ago.. I have no idea how he did, but hopefully he came out of it alive and ready to drive =)

Well, this is a short post but I have to get back to work and I've been writing this up during my lunch break. Maybe I'll write some more later ya? Later. And as I'd like to get into the habit of doing this for most posts, here is a picture to lighten up your day. Artwork by Reza =)

..the lies, the drinks, the boredom..

2006-08-14T06:30:00.000Z

So the weekend has come and gone and I STILL stuck with a cold and a sore throat..and to add to that, my voice is really croaky I'm beginning to sound like a frog =( First up, I really want to apologize to my year 11 mates for not making it to the "re-union" but circumstances prevented me from getting there and Mei for not making it to the gathering at her place on Sunday night but when I got home I was so tired I was in bed at around 8:30. So sorry guys..so what happened to me during the weekend you ask? hah...

Well.. lets start with the lies shall we? lol.. well, as everyone probably knew, on Saturday night there was a party at the baze right? And I was gonna go right? WRONG! haha.. See, it's really complicated so it's kinda hard to explain it here.. but lets just say me and my sisters had to make it seem as though we were going there but actually we.. well, more like 'I' just wanted to get out of the house for once so my dad can't bug me and I can stay out the whole night and do whatever I want to do. So I got my own room at the empire with my gift voucher (which I won through this badminton tournament) and my sisters got their own room through our dads membership... and sooo on sunday when we got back.. we had to convince our parents that we were actually there at the party.. to which I think we did a pretty good job of and in the words of Ayeshah: "I even convinced myself" haha.. such schemers we are. But yea, it was an OK weekend.. nothing great.. I can safely say now that I am a CRAPPY cocktail maker LOL.. never make me a bartender and it's just damn boring here.

But yea, I'm back in the office because I felt bad that I was just sitting around at home EVEN THOUGH I'm not exactly feeling well but there's no internet at home either so it's not like there's much to do besides watching tv. I think I'll go home early. blegh. I'm in a bad mood.I'll probably write another post later when I'm feeling better. 'Till then, here's a HOT picture of this years world cup winners, the italian team (well a few of them). Italian people (men and women) are so hot. Dammit! I want to be Italian.. Lets think of a few italian people that are hot. Hm..Monica Belluci.. Gwen Stefani (and don't you DARE say she's "American", Lets face it, the traditional American would be either people with English backgrounds because that's how America became populated or the Red Indian which everyone seemed to conveniently make practically extinct.Anyone else from Europe would be called immigrants who are now American citizens. There's a difference.)Anyhoo lets just get to the pic so I can take a break from typing urgh. Bah.. post later.

Let's say it all together now... YUUMMM... that pic was especially for Nana my horny darling. And oh btw, Nana, Noni's blog is the best..keep it up guys. =)

..the outrage!! and the mojo..

2006-08-11T02:39:00.000Z

...Aaaannnddd the fever is still ever prominent within me (oo how dramatic LOL) so I am still resting at home.. I thought I'd be able to go to work this morning but I woke up feeling still quite groggy and lousy not to mention having to make *ahem* a few - a several trips to the bathroom this morning *-_-* Maybe I'll try and do some work in the attic this afternoon instead of goin to the office.. atleast I'll be doing some work.. see, I'm not THAT much of a lazy person =D I'm just a sick person =(

And on top of that I am definitely PMS-ing hence, I've been very emotional.. very, VERY, VERY emotional... and you know you're emotional when you start tearing up and pretty much crying when watching Oprah.. OI! they had some really touching stories yesterday... *sniff-sniff* haha ok so I'm feeling quite silly right now but wait a few minutes, I'll probably be all emotional again lol... so.. things have been quite uneventful but I think I've got a few interesting tidbits for you.. ;)

One book, or rather, two books that I think everyone should read are "Tuesday's with Morrie" and "5 People You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom.. I wouldn't say these are 'self-help' kinda books but I think that they are very inspiring and give you a new perspective on life and more importantly the people in your life. Tuesdays with Morrie is basically about Mitch Albom going every Tuesday to see his old, dying college professor and from there, gains this new perspective on life. I haven't finished reading the entire book yet but so far its been pretty good.. here's an excerpt from the book:

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.
The tension of opposites?
"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.
"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."
So which side wins, I ask?
"Which side wins?"
He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.
"Love wins. Love always wins."

*sigh* how touching.. haha well whether I was being emotional or not, I think that this book is very inspiring and eye-opening. After reading.. maybe half of this book I've already realised how much of the time we don't really engage ourselves in human things.. such as spending time with people that we love, so many people nowadays don't give love to give love but in the hopes of getting something back... hardly anybody helps anyone anymore.. so many people are caught up in making money to finance their lives and don't realise that they've wasted their lives away worrying about petty things. Here's another quote:

"Mitch," he said, "the culture doesn't encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks-we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep gonig. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?"

So there you go.. gives you something to think about seriously huh? I'm now starting to take the time to sorta think about stuff in that way. It's hard, since we're always used to thinking about materialistic things such as those mentioned in the quote.. Even now I'm starting to think of different things that I can do besides possibly being a lawyer as I've kind of realised maybe it's not the right type of career thats suited for me. (and not just because of the whole office thing). But yea, take a minute out of a day to think.... (or, READ THE BOOK, haha find out more...)

Hmmm.. what other life altering things did I learn yesterday? haha... nothing much actually.. I was pretty much just REALLY emotional.. sick.. got my hair done.. =) Hopefully I'll be better by tomoro so I'll be able to party tomorro...

Omg, I just remembered..yesterday on Oprah.. the most bizarre thing happened to this couple... What happened was that this young couple just got married and 2 days later on the way to their honeymoon, the husband got amnesia and forgot EVERYTHING.. he forgot that he was married.. didn't know his wife OR his parents, how sad... poor wife.. and he lost his memory for about a year.. before he finally got it back.. and when it came back.. it just all of a sudden flashed back.. sort of like a movie.... 0o0o0o ... I would hate that to happen to me.. =( hmph... what would you do if you did though? Would you stick with your husband hoping that he'd eventually get his memory back? would you take the risk of being a stranger to him and hoping that he'll fall in love with you again for as long as it takes? and what if he doesn't end up falling in love with you again if he doesn't get his memory back?? ...I wonder what I would do... I'd probably stay with my husband... I think that I'd love him too much to let him go... unless he told me one day that he just doesn't love me... sigghh.. how sad.. hahaha...

Anyhoo, for those of you who don't know, NANA has started up her own blog.. and for the first post she's got a pretty funny pic up. lol.. look her up in the side bar ;) And I think I will go and relax for now... and.. to brighten up everyones day today I will leave you all with a pic.. Enjoy.

..chronicles of the sick..

2006-08-10T01:47:00.000Z

So...I've been sick since yesterday and i feel lllooouuussssyyyyy.. =( I have a sore throat, a head cold and a slight fever.. allltthooo that hasn't really stopped me from going for my driving lessons =D hehe, nothing is going to stop me from going to my driving lessons.. i MUST get my license before I leave.. my fever is pretty convenient at the same time though because now I don't have to go to work until i get better..

Speaking of work, since I've started working I've kinda realised that I don't think that I can be that type of person that has to go into the office every morning, every day etc etc.... I reckon I would like to do something that involves me interacting with people more often and not in the "good morning my honour/lord" kind of way. One of my biggest dreams has always been to open my own cafe/diner/restaurant type of thing... The way I see it, is that even if I am doing law, it always provides a good base for if I want to do anything else.. plus it doesn't hurt to know the law hehe... but yea.. having to go into a cold office everyday just sucks.. It's taken me about a week to realise that.. I wouldn't mind if I could like take my work to a cafe or home and work from that... just don't keep me in a office the whole day..

The past few days have been somewhat uneventful, resulting in rather boring posts.. lol but yea, I'm just watching tv right now.. and let me just ask you somethin...

..what is up with the trend of being/looking androgynous???..

..I'm just watching Mtv right now.. and this japanese/korean rock band just came on, not bad music but oi! what's up with the look? for a minute there I thought the lead singer was a girl.. but in true androgynous fashion, it turned out to be a guy.. Now, I ask you, what is it with guys and plucking their eyebrows... or having girly longish hairstyles.. and you can't use the argument that its just being metrosexual.. it isn't! metrosexual involves being stylish.. i.e. knowing how to dress, smelling good all that kinda stuff.. it does NOT involve making yourself look like a girl. That is just plain gay. (hint hint ern. My friend ern would like to have plastic surgery on his face just so he could look like this androgynous looking japanese pop star or something haha =p) I mean, if you want long hair, that's fine but it doesn't mean that you have to let yourself end up looking like a girl in the process.. there are ways to make it look macho. And how do/can girls find this appealing????! TELL ME... because as much as I'd like to be ok with it.. I'm not.. and this doesn't mean I'm homophobic or anything.. I would just like my men to be and look like, men - even if it means that they're assholes, I mean, all guys are assholes, we have to accept that, but that's why we love 'em.... (...isn't it? you wouldn't want some wuss that you can just push around would you????)

Ergh.. aaaannnddd it's raining again.. time to take another nap hehe.. It's kinda nice with the house empty and all the lil kids off in Singapore...plus, no dad. =D Which makes things infinitely better.. This weekend should be a big fun one, for most people anyway. Either way, I am definitely looking forward to this weekend - will be spending it with my other half and some friends. I finally get a chance to party all night!!!

Anyhoo, my self-esteem is at an all time low hence me losing the motivation to eat and surfing the health section at msn..Lets take a look at... 6 Reasons Why You're Not Losing Weight.. hmmm....

-Weight Loss Wrecker #1: Your Couch. Beware, sofa spuds: Researchers at Deakin University in Australia found that people who watched between one and two-and-a-half hours of TV per day were 93 percent more likely to be overweight than those who watched less than an hour per day. So how much tv do YOU watch a day?? hmmm?? hehe to curb this they suggest that you just watch your fav show and then switch the tv off. or if you simply can't NOT watch tv, make sure ur doing something at the same time. Like exercising, chewing gum.. (knitting?) but whatever you do, do NOT snack while watching tv.

-Weight Loss Wrecker #2: Married Bliss. Not that any of us are married yet, but I guess you could connect it to if you have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. You know what they say.. "a couple that eats together, stays together". haha. One way to curb this would be to join an exercise class with your other half.. or join a gym together.

-Weight Loss Wrecker #3: Being Stressed 24/7. That's pretty self-explanatory..You'd think that extra-frenetic days would kick you into calorie-burning overdrive. Nope. In fact, stress increases your body's production of a hormone called cortisol, which signals your body to hang on to weight and deposit more fat in your abdomen. (Belly fat is the worst kind to have; it's linked to diabetes, high cholesterol and other health problems.) So, I guess, just make sure that when u feel yourself getting stressed out, go out, talk to someone, take a walk, light a scented candle... chiiiilll....

-Weight Loss Wrecker #4: Date Night = Drink Night. Now, this probably wouldn't really apply to us living here in Brunei, but basically, if you are a drinker, it would be better to perhaps have small amounts daily rather than big amounts infrequently. And drinking hard liquor creates more abdominal fat than wine. So if you drink, wine is the way to go.. lol..

-Weight Loss Wrecker #5: Dark Winter Days. Again, not a big problem for us since we don't have seasons, BUT for those of us that are leaving to the UK for uni soon take note! Surveys have found that many people consume anywhere from a few hundred to 1,500 more calories per day in the winter months. That's especially true of people who experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD), characterized by low energy, sadness, irritability or fatigue during the winter months. Well, I guess the way to get past this would be to resist.... and to try and take in as much sunlight as you can.. =)

-Weight Loss Wrecker #6: Skimping on Sleep. In other words.. get lots of sleep!! Research at the University of Chicago has found that having a sleep debt wreaks havoc on your metabolism, making it easier for fat to sneak onto your bod. Sleep deprivation leads to an increase in insulin resistance (a condition in which your body doesn't use blood sugar properly, thereby increasing your risk of diabetes) and a decrease in levels of leptin (a hormone that appears to play a key role in satiety), explains Eve Van Cauter, Ph.D., one of the study's authors. These hormonal changes can promote weight gain. So try and sleep regularly.

And that's all from me, Dr. Nur.. hahaah... I'm going to go and get some rest.... Till next time =)

..don't look behind you..

2006-08-07T14:01:00.000Z

Ergh..I am in the office now.. its 11:01 am.. just under an hour until I go for break.. The only reason why I'm typing up my blog right now is that I cannot concentrate.. at all.. for the past 20 mins or so I've been playing spider solitaire on the computer.. and listening to music.. while taking short breaks inbetween to try and actually do some work. Hopefully when I get back from lunch I'll be somewhat more.. "energized" LOL. I have a feeling this will turn out to be a quite serious post due to my mood today so please bear with me for the next few paragraphs or so.. lol.. =s

So, I was sorta thinking about this while in bed last night.. and have you ever just suddenly felt as though a big change is about to happen? Like you suddenly feel anxious about something.. something in the future but you have no idea what?? I am probably not making any sense right now, sometimes I hardly do, but I hope you get the gist of it.. (Note: this may perhaps do with my unstable emotions right now probably brought on by PMS, but it seems kinda significant...) It happened while I was in the car on the way out to dinner.. and I sorta felt as though I could feel a change happening within me, not in the physical sense but I guess maybe mentally or spiritually? Hmmmm.... perhaps most of this could be due to my first driving lesson (which is tomorrow btw!!) and the fact that I'll be going to uni soon... Now that I think about it.. I've been having this urge to have a complete change in my life so far.. perhaps to go along with this "mental or spiritual" change I might facing.. to date..I have decided to dye my hair a different colour.. I think I am going to give up my mac and convert to a PC.. (mainly because the entire system at my uni will be PC - but not that I'm complaining.. I want to play WOW!! i.e. world of warcraft)...

Speaking of which.. that game is damn addictive!! I would recommend everyone to try it.. If you're into RPG games and like fantasy.. THIS is the game for you.. Most of my friends would NOT see me as the gaming freak kinda person.. not to say that I am.. but this game is FUNNN!!! hehehe..

..what superhuman power would you have?..

So, if you could have any one superhuman power would you have? I actually used to think about this a lot when I was small.. (I'm a bit of a dreamer..) and I reckon I'd probably want to have the ability to fly.. or maybe the ability to become invisible.. Think about it.. if you were invisible.. you could get away with almost anything.. stealing..(hehe of course I wouldn't do that though.. but its just a thought..) hehe.. umm.. you could avoid certain people.. and for those kinky people out there.. you could do stuff with your hunny without anyone realising.. hahaha... don't you all wish you had super human powers now? hehe.. I need to get out more.. lol..

Anyhoo I think I'll ciao for now.. I'll probably post up some pictures that I took last night at Coffeezone.. =)

..what would you do?..

2006-08-06T10:54:00.000Z

Okaaayy.. so, today has been a pretty long day.. i've been out all day hence, the reason why I'm writing up my blog at 10 at night. I am NOT happy about having to work tomorow morning because I'd rather stay up all night watching CSI on my laptop and plus, i just dont like waking up early anymore.. hehe..

Anyhooo... I'm still trying to get the hang of this whole blog site thing so try and be a lil patient with me while I figure everything out.. but for those observant people out there, you'll have noticed I've put in a comment bar thing! =) Yay to my baby for being the first to put up something there.. (he's my biggest and only fan) lol. What I plan to do sometime in the near future is regularly put up links with articles or anything that I happen to come across and think would be interesting as I probably wouldn't be able to write about everything in here.. Hope you enjoy the links I'll be putting up for today..

So, as you can probably tell, we went to watch Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift last night.. and it was pretty good.. liked the cars (although, I really don't know much about 'em) and I thought it was really cool how they did all that drifting. Haha I was saying to my sister that if one of these days you see one of those "L" cars drive by really crazily, it's probably me.. LOL..which reminds me, I really need to get moving with getting my drivers license but howwww leh? I have to go to work and all that..sigghh.. but yea, overall i thought it was a good movie but if i had to choose between tokyo drift and dragon tiger gate.. I think I would say I enjoyed dragon tiger gate a bit more..

With today being Sunday, and like all Sundays I found myself wandering aimlessly around the mall with my sisters after lunch I ended up splurging a bit on mainly books, magazines and comics (without which, I would not have a post for today..) and along with that I've come across quite a fewwww interesting tidbits..

First of all, if you are the type of person that enjoys blues/jazzy tunes, sorta like Norah Jones's stuff and you just loooveee someone with a smooooooth voice, then you have GOT to listen to singer/songwriter Sonya Kitchell. I suggest you listen to this perhaps after a long stressful day and if you feel like just chilling. She's got such a nice voice for someone who's only 16 yrs old.

Now for the stuff that kinda ties in with my title for today....this is mostly for the ladies, mind you, but I reckon the guys will find it just as interesting..

SO, what would you do if... you were a 30 year old virgin?

-Easy, according to the women of Japan. Basically to cut a long article short, in a workaholic place such as Japan, with career-driven women, it has become a big thing where women suddenly find themselves at 30 (or even older!) still being a virgin. Now, for all those religious people out there, of course there is nothing WRONG with being a virgin until you get married but as quoted in the article, "In the past, virginity was prized," says one volunteer. "But now, men prefer their girlfriends to know what they are doing in bed." Now this is all peachy keen if you are lucky enough to be seeing someone who prizes your virginity as much as you do.. but any woman will know that this is generally not the case. So it has come to the point where women are facing a dilemma as to where good girls can go to learn about "making love". The solution: create a volunteer sex corps which comprise of a secret group of men whose job it is to "make love" to these women. Mind you, the women do not pay a cent. The sex corp does not just deal with virgins either. They also deal with women who are in marriages where their husbands refuse to do it with them and generally go out and find mistresses and their wives are left to become a 'substitute mother'. Controversial no? I know all the feminists out there are seeing this as a completely chauvinistic "man" thing to do but apparently this volunteer service are mainly mae up of committed family men who participate on an anonymous basis and who are, for the most part, as deprived as the women that they set out to help. I could write more on this but it does leave some food for thought huh.... I'll leave you to come to your own conclusions...

Next up,
What would you do if... you had that sneaking suspicion that your hubby/boyfriend/long term partner was cheating on you????

-what exactly huh? if you had no evidence whatsoever...another easy solution.. hire someone to GET evidence. (say it with me everyone *muahahahaha* sneaky huh..) I'm not really sure where this is exactly in the world, but there are such things as "sex spies" where women, get paid to be a "honey trapper". Upon your demand, they come on to your guy to see if he'll cheat on you. As a person who gives a lot of weight to 'women's intuition', I think this is a completely valid way to find out whether your man is as faithful as he makes himself out to be. *Note: this of course should only be tried when and if you are seriously seriously in doubt with your boyfriend and NOT just as a test!* What these women do is that they pretend to be your boyfriend's ultimate woman. They act as though they are into the same things as them, or interested in things they are particularly passionate about,..etc. Of course they find out about all of this through you. They don't come onto the guy as though they are throwing themselves at him, but like I say, they make themselves out to be like their ultimate woman. (and if you are as possessive as I am, of course you're hoping YOU are his ultimate woman! hmph!) And depending on your man, he may or may not return her moves or invite her to some "unidentified place". The good thing about this service is that they do NOT sleep with your boyfriend but go to the point where that stage is imminent. They then let you know what's happened and upon your instructions, they follow up. But don't feel so smug about all this just yet, ladies. Women are just as vulnerable! They have men calling private investigators to do the same thing. According to a Frank Monte who has an investigation group that has been watching (and potentially busting) cheaters for nearly 40 years with about 30% of his business being husbands wanting to find out what their executive wives are upto.

Innnnnttteeerrreeessstttiiinnnggg... no? (oh, and if you all are wondering where i dug up all this stuff, it's from marie claire's May 2006 issue.. lol.. who knew you could find such interesting articles in these mags?

Well, I think I shall stop here for tonight. I was hoping to write more but I'm just tired and have to get ready for tomorrow. I will leave you with a few funny clips I came across while surfing on the web, mainly from youtube.com and yahoo. Just click on the link. ENJOY!

Matrix Ping Pong - Very clever!!

Scared Japanese Girls - Haha, brings a whole new meaning to the movie The Ring

Fish... hmm.. some people have too much time on their hands..

Till next time.. =)

..electric dragon drill..

2006-08-05T01:19:00.000Z

So, it's Saturday morning and what am I doing? Haha I'm at the office "working" (I'm trying to, honestly I am!) while wondering why I am actually seriously thinking about starting a blog. To be honest, I have never really been fond of bloggers because, personally, I don't need to know what you've eaten in a day or whether you've seen (him/her/insert any applicable name here) and what conversations you've had complete with dialogue. But, after reading a few of my friends' blogs, i.e. REZA, I have to say, it's got me interested since he's got some pretty good thoughts down there. And for the most part, while I may include some of my personal life in this blog I promise it won't be along the lines of "today i had this to eat and then i went to this place and then that place and then i got into a fight and then....and then.....and then....." lol.

Anyhoo, if you're wondering about my title, "electric dragon drill" ahaha its because last night I watched the very awesome movie 'Dragon Tiger Gate', which, I have actually watched twice now, because it IS pretty good. Plus, the characters have these cool "power" moves like "golden mask" or "the black pagoda" or "eight staying (is it staving?) palms". Haha the names are quite funny if u think bout em for awhile.. but back to the movie, as all action movies are, storyline = average, action = of coz good lah.. but as some ppl pointed out throughout the whole movie, the characters would be wearing the exact same clothes as when they were young and they had the saaaaaaammmeee hairstyles.. I personally, don't like guys with long hair.. but its not like I'm complaining unlike some smelly people next to us who reminds me of the typical, ignorant kind of people that you seem to find here. What really annoyed me was the way that whenever they showed the temple, or the statue of the Buddha, they'd start snickering. And I ask you, what is so funny bout that?? And it wasn't just the people sitting next to me, it was people sitting on the other side of the row next to Didi (my sister) who, were probably smelly too. In fact, the whole cinema was smelly. People, if you know you're going to sweat, and you're not playing football or any sport for that matter, I beg of you, please do NOT wear those football jerseys as they do not absorb sweat. Resulting in one stinky person. Now imagine atleast a third or 2 thirds of the cinema consisting of smelly people wearing smelly football jerseys. *stink city*

*breathe in, breahe out*

Moving on and away from the B****fest up there..

While I was at the cinema last night, they were showing all the trailers for the upcoming movies and one movie that seemed really interesting to me was the movie with Keannu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in it. ('The Lake House' is it?) Basically, it's a romance film, and the tagline is (courtesy of imdb.com), 'what if you found the one you were meant for...but you lived two years apart?' Interesting..no? While this whole concept is entirely, quite impossible. It uses the whole theme of fate, which, I feel is entirely possible. People argue that you make your own fate, but at the same time it is because of who YOU are, (which, to a degree is uncontrollable) that decides what road you will take to get to your fate. How many times have you found it hard to put into words or explain logically why you made certain decisions? or how many times have people or a certain person come into your life, teaching you something that you probably never would have learnt unless you met that specific person?

While mulling over this whole idea of fate and whatnot, i remembered something that I read in a friends blog a few months ago, called 'synchronicities'. If you want to read the entire thing complete with possible scientific theories, or just in more detail i got all of this from http://www.crystalinks.com/synchronicity.html

"Synchronicities are people, places or events that your soul attracts into your life - to help you evolve or to place emphasis on something going on in your life. The more 'consciously aware' you become of how your soul creates - the higher your frequency goes and the faster your soul manifests. Each day your life will become filled with meaningful coincidences - synchronicities - that you have attracted - or created in the grid of your experiences in the physical.

There are no accidents - just synchroncity wheels - the gears of time - the wheels of time - the

wheel of karma - wheels within wheels - the alchemy of creation - the Philosopher's Stone - Sacred Geometry=SG=StarGate - evolution of consciousness.

Do be careful. Not all synchronicities are positive. Sometimes these lead to learning lessons - when you are deceived ito thinking that is road to take at that moment in time. This is not always the case - so do be careful. If you are dysfunctional - a drama person - your will attract - manifest dysfunctional peole and events.

Synchronicities can also go nowhere as they just occur in someone's life to make a point.
You must look at the bigger picture of the synchronicty - think outside the box - not at the actual event. Look at the underlying facts when the synchronicity occurs to be sure you know why you attracted that person/ situation into your life. "

Interesting huh? There's more. Here are a few examples of synchronicities:

-A well-known example of synchronicity involves plum pudding. It is the true story of the French writer Emile Deschamps who in 1805 is treated to some plum pudding by the stranger Monsieur de Fontgibu. Ten years later, he encounters plum pudding on the menu of a Paris restaurant, and wants to order some, but the waiter tells him the last dish has already been served to another customer, who turns out to be M. de Fontgibu. Many years later in 1832 Emile Deschamps is at a diner, and is once again offered plum pudding. He recalls the earlier incident and tells his friends that only M. de Fontgibu is missing to make the setting complete, and in the same instant the now senile M. de Fontgibu enters the room by mistake.

-You meet someone who interests you and touches your soul. Through synchronicity - that person seems to come into your life over and over again. You begin to feel a destiny with that person. You begin to think with your heart instead of your head. You connect with that person. In some cases the karma between the two people is positive - but in many cases you have attracted that person into your life for a learning lesson whether you are aware of it or not.

- There are in your life when financial difficulties seem to have no end. Yet there is always enough money for basic expenses...rent, food, utilities. Finances seem to appear where and when they are needed.

- You walk into a book store not knowing what to buy, and the book you need falls from a shelf and practically hits you over the head.

- You feel depressed and can't find focus in your life and the next person you talk you says something that brings you the guidance you need.

- Everyone's favorite.....You drive to a place where parking is "next to impossible" and someone pulls out of a parking spot or it is just waiting for you.

Although scientists out there are very critical when it comes to claims such as these, I have to say, that I am a very firm believer. Because I genuinely feel that there are some people in the world that have been put here for me to meet to either test me or teach me or in some way affecting my life whether it be a positive or negative outcome. I have come across objects such as books or jewellrey that if I had not bought at that specific time, I would not have seen ever again. Or in some cases, have been drawn to something so much and felt so differently about it, yet didn't get it and until now even after trying and going to the same place over and over again, have never seen it again.

While yes, these ideas of fate and synchronicities are not entirely explainable, there are many things out there that science cannot entirely explain. Hehe at this point in time I must admit I am not much of a scientist nor am I fond or very much interested in science. =)

Haha it is now 11:05 and I've got less than an hour of work left. Yay! my weekend can officially begin. And to think this has only been my FIRST week of work. hah! O well.. that's how the cookie crumbles. Until next time.

p.s. I'll try and put up pictures soon.. i know it probably looks quite boring now..