..in a constant state of denial..
Wow.. It's been ages since I've blogged.. I guess in a way I've been neglecting everything, I haven't actually been online since God knows when, I sure as hell haven't really been contacting any friends (sorry guys..) etc. etc. If you're wondering what I have been upto, I've pretty much been just vegging around, watching series upon series of CSI and other assorted movies while slowly becoming a spinster and doing my cross stitch while watching said CSI and assorted movies. At night, usually, I do make some effort and I go out to see Ben. If you're wondering what brought on this change.. I've been thinking and I think it's the fact that I've been completely demoralized and therefore have crawled back into a shell that I suppose I've been constructing in case I ever do have a demoralizing moment. Nana sorta knows whats happened.. but for the uninformed individual here it goes...
See, I was supposed to go to Warwick..I visited the bloody campus while I was in UK during my summer holiday.. I've picked accommodation there, I've envisioned my life there.. but nooooo they will not accept me on account of I got one blooody point less than what they wanted.. ugh.. so yea I'm not gonna go on and on but that's the gist of it.. and ontop of that, I've decided that law is really not the career for me.. I've figured out what I'd like to be doing besides law.. but nooo.. I got into a row with my dad and now, I have been "brainwashed" into thinking that "yes! law is for me! yay law!!!" ugh... give me a break.. I have a sister who is doing a peanut cake degree like fine arts, i mean, sorry to all you artists out there, but I mean, in the long run.. how successful could you possibly be, having a fine art degree.. most artists only get famous when they're dead... I understand if you're doing a graphic design or some shit like that.. but yea I think you get my point. Anyway so yea, I have a sister who is doing a peanut cake degree liek fine art and my dad won't let me do a teaching degree.. he says I have to do lawwww first then I can do whatever I want. Which is fine I guess, but seeing that I'm the only one out of the 8 children that will probably do law, once I graduate and do whatever I wanna do... I KNOW I will be pressured into running the law firm.. and knowing myself, I will feel bad if I don't. Argggghh... And then I find myself caught in between a cock and a hard place.. (haha remember that joke baby?)
During my long long period of self pity and demoralization I was thinking..(as I always do) and I wonder if anyone actually lives there life without being in some constant state of denial or being affected in some way or another.. I mean, if you think about it, in one way or another, we are always in some sort of phase of denial.. we are in denial about how good or bad looking we are, how fat or skinny we are, how smart or dumb we are... but if we accept for instance how good looking we are, we're considered vain.. up ourselves.. you name it.. but if we don't accept how good looking we are and think we're ugly.. then people eventually get bored of telling you that you look fine... and in the end you end up in some sort of state of depression because you have low self esteem and bla di bla di bla... I wonder if anyone actually lives their life accepting everything that come their way... but being such complex creatures we are always affected by something or other.. our emotions.. other people's emotions.. our surroundings.. our personalities.. we are too complex to ever be simple so much as to just accept everything.. plus, life would be boring if everyone accepted everything albeit there would be less wars.. *sigh* I'm glad I decided to actually go online today and publish something.. I feel a lot better.. maybe I'll come out of my shell soon.. but yea, I hope everyone is getting along fine with their universities and what not.. NANA darling, I will call you soon and you better tell me you piece of juicy gossip! hehe..
Oh, and to all my IB-ans, since I'll be going to Sheffield instead of Warwick, I have to leave earlier than expected.. basically next week will be my last week here.. I'll be leaving in 10 days as of today... (if you still don't get it, I'm leaving on the 13th)... which is waaaayy to soon for me.. I'm not ready! =( but, neither of us will be when the time comes.. but yea anyhooo.. there'll be a party at my house this coming saturday, with a dj.. shisha... food.. the works.. be expecting an invitation from me soon!!! You'll have to RSVP and tell me if you're coming or not ya? ok.. I'm out.. maybe I'll post again later..
Till Later..
See, I was supposed to go to Warwick..I visited the bloody campus while I was in UK during my summer holiday.. I've picked accommodation there, I've envisioned my life there.. but nooooo they will not accept me on account of I got one blooody point less than what they wanted.. ugh.. so yea I'm not gonna go on and on but that's the gist of it.. and ontop of that, I've decided that law is really not the career for me.. I've figured out what I'd like to be doing besides law.. but nooo.. I got into a row with my dad and now, I have been "brainwashed" into thinking that "yes! law is for me! yay law!!!" ugh... give me a break.. I have a sister who is doing a peanut cake degree like fine arts, i mean, sorry to all you artists out there, but I mean, in the long run.. how successful could you possibly be, having a fine art degree.. most artists only get famous when they're dead... I understand if you're doing a graphic design or some shit like that.. but yea I think you get my point. Anyway so yea, I have a sister who is doing a peanut cake degree liek fine art and my dad won't let me do a teaching degree.. he says I have to do lawwww first then I can do whatever I want. Which is fine I guess, but seeing that I'm the only one out of the 8 children that will probably do law, once I graduate and do whatever I wanna do... I KNOW I will be pressured into running the law firm.. and knowing myself, I will feel bad if I don't. Argggghh... And then I find myself caught in between a cock and a hard place.. (haha remember that joke baby?)
During my long long period of self pity and demoralization I was thinking..(as I always do) and I wonder if anyone actually lives there life without being in some constant state of denial or being affected in some way or another.. I mean, if you think about it, in one way or another, we are always in some sort of phase of denial.. we are in denial about how good or bad looking we are, how fat or skinny we are, how smart or dumb we are... but if we accept for instance how good looking we are, we're considered vain.. up ourselves.. you name it.. but if we don't accept how good looking we are and think we're ugly.. then people eventually get bored of telling you that you look fine... and in the end you end up in some sort of state of depression because you have low self esteem and bla di bla di bla... I wonder if anyone actually lives their life accepting everything that come their way... but being such complex creatures we are always affected by something or other.. our emotions.. other people's emotions.. our surroundings.. our personalities.. we are too complex to ever be simple so much as to just accept everything.. plus, life would be boring if everyone accepted everything albeit there would be less wars.. *sigh* I'm glad I decided to actually go online today and publish something.. I feel a lot better.. maybe I'll come out of my shell soon.. but yea, I hope everyone is getting along fine with their universities and what not.. NANA darling, I will call you soon and you better tell me you piece of juicy gossip! hehe..
Oh, and to all my IB-ans, since I'll be going to Sheffield instead of Warwick, I have to leave earlier than expected.. basically next week will be my last week here.. I'll be leaving in 10 days as of today... (if you still don't get it, I'm leaving on the 13th)... which is waaaayy to soon for me.. I'm not ready! =( but, neither of us will be when the time comes.. but yea anyhooo.. there'll be a party at my house this coming saturday, with a dj.. shisha... food.. the works.. be expecting an invitation from me soon!!! You'll have to RSVP and tell me if you're coming or not ya? ok.. I'm out.. maybe I'll post again later..
Till Later..
posted by ..babynur.. | 2:21 AM
1 Comments:
So, you’ve been vegging around and watching tv at home lately huh? You sound more and more like me each day Nur. I’m so proud of you… hahaha…
Well, seeing that you’ve made your decision on taking law and reject teaching so u can make ur family happy, I guess I won’t be giving you advice like “Do what you wanna do that makes yourself happy” and bla bla bla because it won’t really work for you now. I mean, you are going to Sheffield in 2 weeks, so it’s too late to change plans anyway. I just hope you’re really happy with whatever decision you make and learn from it sweetie. Plus, your dad said you can do whatever you want as long as you do law first right? Well, you’ll never know if you’ve finally enjoyed it right? And I was also told by my sister that once you get a law degree, you can go anywhere, so I guess law is a pretty good versatile subject (I guess. I don't know what but I guess hehe). Hey, good luck on that, yes? And don’t worry about Sheffield. I was told by a friend that the campus is really nice (if that’s what you’re looking for). I sooo know how you feel though, abt changing unis. It’s such a drag. Hopefully I’ll see you in UK, yes? =) Hopefully…
Moving on, everyone’s in denial darling. I guess you could say its “human nature”. I know I am! =D (and I say it with pride hahah)… I mean, I keep telling myself I’m fat, when I really am anorexic. I keep telling myself I’m ugly when I know deep inside I actually am pretty hot. Hahaha… God, I’m so full of myself. Now that’s what I call being in denial to the hard core. Hahaha…
Bah. This is a very long comment. But then again, it’s me. I always give long comments anyway hehehe… Hopefully I’ll be seeing you on Saturday =) In the mean time, take care of yourself sweetie. There’s always a blessing in disguise. Keep that in mind =)
Oh and by the way, you're the 3rd among 8 siblings. Cool! Like me! Let me just say that the 3rd child is always the best among them all... hahahah =p Ok bye =)
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