..Quoi?..

*phew* it's been awhile..

I guess I've been busy with a lot of social commitments as well as work commitments and just haven't had the time to write.. There are so many things that I have cut out from my extra curricular stuff like dancing and singing.. which kinda makes me sad at times, but hey.. hanging out and hanging out with my friends more than makes up for it ;) hehe.

First of all, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY is in order for kaka Fidah!!!! who's birthday was yesterday.. and I really WAS planning on writing up a post yesterday just for this occassion but... I have no idea where the time went and by the end of the day I was pooped. hehe. But yes, Kaka Fidah, I miss you!! I hope you had great birthday and I can't want to see you again!

Right now it has never been this boring here in Shef, but it IS the Easter holidays and slowly the numbers of us left here in good ol Stevo hall has dwindled. this sucks.

..And you know, I really don't have much else to say apart from that... so I will go now. And practise my french or something lol.

Ciao for now. Will try and write more later.

Oh p.s. Rez, if you're reading this, is there any chance that I can get the mp3 of your song Mr. Nice Guy with just the instrumental? Hehe, I have um, some stuff that I'd like to do with it.. hehe ;)

..je suis perdue..

Hellew, hellew, hellew..

This week has been pretty hectic, what with my social commitments and the coming out of my results, not to mention late nights trying to finish all the reading I'm expected to do.. but once again, before I know it, it's the end of the week!! and 2 more weeks until Easter break!! that's crazy.. not long after easter I'll be having my final exams as a first year student.. It's amazing how fast time flies.. It's times like these I really wish it could slow down.. I feel as though my life is flying before my eyes..

I don't have much to post up today as I have not had the opportunity to even sit alone with my thoughts at all this week.. but o well.. =s My thoughts tend to drive me a lil crazy sometimes.. haha I mean, have you ever felt as though there are just a million and one things buzzing around in your head.. but even though someone asks you what you're thinking about, you can't really tell them what because it's a bit of mess, thoughts going after the other, in all different directions and you're just trying to sort em out and get your head to slow down a bit and stop taking too many things in.. I'm so weird.. LOL..

Anyway, results came out on Friday, and I've got tosay I've survived the first set of exams.. and I came out... with pretty good grades if i do say so myself, but I won't brag about em.. haha

So I posted on Naj's comment box thing that I'd somewhat discuss her lil discussion on the whole religion thing. And usually I don't like voicing out my opinions on religion because I tend to be a bit "lovey-dovey" "hippie" and liberal on the subject and religion is such a contentious issue, people can get easily offended, or take me the wrong way... But (and I'm sorry if I offend anyone by saying this) what Naj posted sounded so preposterous (is that how you spell it?) to me, that I can't avoid not talking about it..

So for those of you who didn't read Naj's blog, basically, to cut the long explanation short - in Islam, music if considered "haraam" and that means EVERYTHING to do with music. {oops i guess all these years of doing music in school and being passionate about singing and playing the piano will send me to hell} <-- excuse the sarcasm there but I couldn't resist. Well, to get things straight, its not like I didn't know that in some places they take this whole music is haram thing seriously, I did.. and I've always felt a bit... *scrunches up face* about it.. Right now I've got this Omani friend.. he's awweessoommeee.. he's awesome at the guitar as well (bass as well) but for years he had to actually hide the fact that he could play an instrument and was interested in it because his step mother was really against music n stuff.. but in the end his dad told him he could keep it.. so that kinda opened up my eyes a lil bit..

But back to the issue at hand.. I'm sorry with the use of language here, but I just find it Ridiculous. I guess it goes against the way the logic in my mind works and has always worked. and it just doesn't register with my logic on any level at all.
Firstly, why are our voice boxes created in such a way that we can make or enable us to sing and make music? Wouldn't we have been better off stuck as cave men then, not being able to do anything, making guttural noises to communicate because i mean, at least its not singing right? {and just on a side not here, I apologise to anyone who may take offense but there is no surpressing my sarcastic tone when it comes to this issue - I am trying to be as open minded as i can be... }
Secondly, the call to prayer can be classified as a form of music.. songs sung during weddings, songs made by birds and wildlife.. music and songs make up a big part of our life and are in a way fundamental to our emotions it is difficult to see why a God that is supposed to be all loving and benevolent and unselfish would consider that a sin.. something that he himself put on Earth.. now the earlier point is debatable as it could be argued that if you've never experienced it before you won't miss it.. but thats a bit too late for a lot of the world now isn't it? {HOWEVER, in order to disregard music and "ban" it you will have had to know what it was in the beginning wouldn't you?} And this particular line of argument can be used on quite a few contentious issues regarding religion. And this all isn't written with the view that I am trying to change or undermine peoples beliefs, but I think everything needs a second opinion, just to open up peoples minds. (afterall your mind is a wonderful thing, it would be sad if it wasn't challenged and opened up to new possibilities every now and again).

Here's a question: There are 2 men. The first one is a highly religious person who has spent his whole life praying, and being devoted to God, he has done all that he has been bid to do and has pretty much, never sinned in his entire life. The second man is someone who is full of sin, i don't think i need to go into the details in this case I think we all know what i mean here. So, one day, both men find out that they are going to die the very next day. The first one thinks- I have spent my whole entire life doing so and so, I am going to die tomoro, I think I'd like to do something different for a change and so does all the things that he was told not to do. The second man decides that he wants to repent for all this sins that he has done for his entire life.
Now, the big question here is: Which guy goes to Heaven? The first guy devoted his entire life to God is God so harsh so as to send him to Hell simply because of one day? The second guy had devoted his entire life to sin but in the end discovered the error of his ways and repented. But does that make up for before?

I think that to an extent it is an important part of our lives to have guidance, particularly if you believe in a religion with a God n all that... Guidance is always important because things that are written in the Qura'an or Bible or whatever depending which religion you're from is something which you live by in order to live to your best ability, the one thing that all these "books" have in common is to try and show you the best way to live according to your faith and beliefs. But at the end of the day.. that's all they are, they're guidance.. and they're there for you when you need that guidance, in the end its up to you as an individual. God knows what you think, how you feel inside.

Anyway I'm gonna stop here because I'm getting a headache lol. Nah not really, It's just that this debate could go on forever. And I didn't really want it to get THIS long.. hahaha so till next time, hopefully I'll have something a bit more cheerful to write about.. and less... contentious haha.

A la prochaine fois!! xx

..just hold on..

Well, well, well...

I was supposed to write up this post earlier, but yea, I've been hella busy so yea =/ Anyway, to start off, I wanted to write a little something for Wilni and Rez... and that's basically to say that I love you guys =) and that while at times you may feel down, or annoyed, pissed off, or just damn depressed or low. But once you've moved on from that, things won't seem as bad as they did in the beginning.. Now, I know that that isn't really great advice and it's always hard to move on from events in life that have some way or another have moved you onto a direction that you don't wanna be in, but time is a great healer, and with great friends in your close vicinity, it'll work out. Having to choose between 2 groups of people or 2 people, is really tough - being a middle child, I know. And the way that I look at it is, I see it as somewhat of an advantage. I know what's going on on both sides. I get the whole picture. And from there it's up to you to be the bigger person to make a decision on what to do.. there aren't any rights or wrongs, and it all depends on your own judgment. Sometimes it's better to tell both parties that you're neutral on the subject and wait for it to die out. Sometimes you may feel that one side is slightly more right and the other.. less right (i'm trying to be politically correct here lol) and may feel that in order to resolve it, you pick a side to emphasise that point. But it all comes down to -- you.

Yesterday I was feeling really down myself, I don't know what it was, or what made me feel the way I did, but I felt as low as can be.. My depression levels were way up.. etc etc.. and I was listening to an oldie (but a goodie - not to mention cheesy) by Wilson Phillips - Hold on. And basically what i got from that was:

I know this pain,

Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?

No one can change your life except for you,

Don't ever let anyone step all over you.

Just open your heart and your mind,

Is it really fair to feel - this way inside?

Someday, somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye,

But till then, baby, are you gonna let them hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know?

Things will change?

Things will go your way, if you hold on for one more day,

Can you hold on for one more day?

Things will go your way...

Hold on for one more day.

Aahh.. i remember listening to that song in the radio in the afternoons with my yaya while playing around the room or napping... oh, the good old days.. don't we all wish we could just be kids again.. (not that some of us are generally "grown up" yet ;) )

~

Lately I've been so busy with work and social committments I haven't been able to do ANYTHING. I get to the end of the day thinking "what happened to my free time?" "oh shit! seminar tomoro!" "I was supposed to read that??" "I didn't expect this case to be THAT long".. seriously, it's driving me crazy and I think I am about to break. =( sigh...

Sometimes I don't feel like I should be on this course.. I've lost the drive.. Sure, I got the grades for it.. and I want to be challenged.. but my heart isn't in it. People in my course, well, the majority, seem so passionate about what they're doing and i just feel... wrong. But at the same time, I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to be doing, if not this.. =s I want something more. The dreaded emptiness inside has resurfaced and I'm left trying to pick up pieces of myself and putting me back together again. and while I do that, the void in me expands.. =( It's tough being here alone with people that don't really know what my life was like before.. I've got great friends.. but being with people that know some history about you.. is better... *sigh*

O WELL. =/

Anyhoo, I better get a move on, there's probably something productive I should be doing... like ironing my pile of laundry or washing my other new pile of laundry =/ *grr*

Hehe till later.. xx