..just hold on..

Well, well, well...

I was supposed to write up this post earlier, but yea, I've been hella busy so yea =/ Anyway, to start off, I wanted to write a little something for Wilni and Rez... and that's basically to say that I love you guys =) and that while at times you may feel down, or annoyed, pissed off, or just damn depressed or low. But once you've moved on from that, things won't seem as bad as they did in the beginning.. Now, I know that that isn't really great advice and it's always hard to move on from events in life that have some way or another have moved you onto a direction that you don't wanna be in, but time is a great healer, and with great friends in your close vicinity, it'll work out. Having to choose between 2 groups of people or 2 people, is really tough - being a middle child, I know. And the way that I look at it is, I see it as somewhat of an advantage. I know what's going on on both sides. I get the whole picture. And from there it's up to you to be the bigger person to make a decision on what to do.. there aren't any rights or wrongs, and it all depends on your own judgment. Sometimes it's better to tell both parties that you're neutral on the subject and wait for it to die out. Sometimes you may feel that one side is slightly more right and the other.. less right (i'm trying to be politically correct here lol) and may feel that in order to resolve it, you pick a side to emphasise that point. But it all comes down to -- you.

Yesterday I was feeling really down myself, I don't know what it was, or what made me feel the way I did, but I felt as low as can be.. My depression levels were way up.. etc etc.. and I was listening to an oldie (but a goodie - not to mention cheesy) by Wilson Phillips - Hold on. And basically what i got from that was:

I know this pain,

Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?

No one can change your life except for you,

Don't ever let anyone step all over you.

Just open your heart and your mind,

Is it really fair to feel - this way inside?

Someday, somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye,

But till then, baby, are you gonna let them hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know?

Things will change?

Things will go your way, if you hold on for one more day,

Can you hold on for one more day?

Things will go your way...

Hold on for one more day.

Aahh.. i remember listening to that song in the radio in the afternoons with my yaya while playing around the room or napping... oh, the good old days.. don't we all wish we could just be kids again.. (not that some of us are generally "grown up" yet ;) )

~

Lately I've been so busy with work and social committments I haven't been able to do ANYTHING. I get to the end of the day thinking "what happened to my free time?" "oh shit! seminar tomoro!" "I was supposed to read that??" "I didn't expect this case to be THAT long".. seriously, it's driving me crazy and I think I am about to break. =( sigh...

Sometimes I don't feel like I should be on this course.. I've lost the drive.. Sure, I got the grades for it.. and I want to be challenged.. but my heart isn't in it. People in my course, well, the majority, seem so passionate about what they're doing and i just feel... wrong. But at the same time, I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to be doing, if not this.. =s I want something more. The dreaded emptiness inside has resurfaced and I'm left trying to pick up pieces of myself and putting me back together again. and while I do that, the void in me expands.. =( It's tough being here alone with people that don't really know what my life was like before.. I've got great friends.. but being with people that know some history about you.. is better... *sigh*

O WELL. =/

Anyhoo, I better get a move on, there's probably something productive I should be doing... like ironing my pile of laundry or washing my other new pile of laundry =/ *grr*

Hehe till later.. xx