..cigarettes and coffee..

Hey guys..
Tonight's post looks like its gonna be a long one... =s so bear with me if you can... ;)

..Humiliation..

..Why do we feel hurt or angry when become humiliated or embarassed?.. When we think that our pride has been punctured...?

Needless to say, this topic arises because, I, feel quite embarassed, or humiliated for the better word, quite recently. I won't go into the details of the how's and the why's; But let's just say I feel like such a fool for getting caught up in something that could all be just a dream - when I should've realised and known better. And it is the thought of my 'dream' being punctured and the fact that I fell into it in the first place, that has caused this bout of humiliation.

I think that it is pretty obvious that once again I have got too caught up in my overwhelming emotions.... and fell.

The actual outcome of this humiliating moment is not as bad as you or even I might think, but it has certainly grounded me and brought me back to earth. (Ah yes, the Earth that consists of essays that haven't been written and exams that haven't been studied for to the best of my abilities!)

..Why is it that I always let my emotions get the better of me?.. I suppose that it is in my nature that to an extent I wear my heart on my sleeve and the fact that I tend to look at people that I meet for the first time without any suspicions until they prove it to me (which is, of course, too late) - this often leads people to think that I am naive, and careless, reckless.. But I cannot hide or try get away from the fact that I am , and I know, that my emotions make up a big part of my life and that it is in me to be able to be overwhelmed by my own emotions. To this extent, I would even go as far as proposing that I trust my emotions with my life.

Right now I am so pent up with frustration, disappointment and irritation at myself for allowing to get caught up in the 'mess' that are my emotions. (They are here, there and everywhere!) Many a day I try remind myself to try take a more rational, logical view of things and find myself struggling.
Oh sure, following my emotions and heart definitely do lead me to many interesting adventures (however risky they may be at the time!) and are not to be looked back upon with regret but always leaves a bag gap for disappointment, or like now, a high level of embarassment. (To me, of course, but then again, I always overreact =s )

But will this stop me from reaching to wehere I previously intended? ...No, I dont think so.. at most, I'd probably look at this as a... side track of sorts.

I looked up the meaning of 'humiliation' on wikipedia and this is what came up:

..Humiliation is literally the act of being made humble, or reduced in standing or prestige. However, the term has much in common with the emotion of shame. Humiliation is not in general a pleasant experience, as it reduces the ego..

..I would usually probably go on to discuss my views on things like pride and the ego, but at this moment in time do not think I am capable.. So I'lll leave it here.. ;)

~

Wow what a depressing post this has turned out to be, although I shall try leave on a lighter note ;)

Usually I am not the one that listens to an abundant amount of rock songs, nor am I usually a big fan. But I am brought about to a somewhat newer perspective. Of course, take note, this does not mean that I am 'into' rock or heavy metal or whatever now. However, it does mean that in some circumstances I have changed my mind ;)

Lately upon the recommendation of a friend, I have taken an enormous liking to the song Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. To me, it is a love song, that springs hope in me, and to me, the lyrics seem so powerful - the kind that you would think could only be emulated in a rock song and not by any other genre. Not pop or rnb - where you would typically find the stereotypes for 'proper' love songs. Nor even jazz or blues. Now, i could be swayed by the present state of affairs but after listening to it countless times I find that the more I listen to it, the more I can relate to it, and the more I appreciate it. So it is with this that I end my post. They lyrics to this song. (I especially love the lyrics "trust I seek and I find in you.." - everytime that bit comes up, I can FEEEEL it... lol its just the way he sings it..or maybe it's just because of how I've been feeling lately..) Enjoy ;)

~

Nothing Else Matters

So close no matter how far..

Couldn't be much more from the heart..

Forever, trusting who we are..

..and nothing else matters..

Never opened myself this way..

Life is ours, we live it our way..

All these words I don't just say...

..and nothing else matters..

Trust I seek, and I find in you..

Everyday for us, something new..

Open mind for a different view..

..and nothing else matters..

Never cared for what they do..

Never cared for what they know..

But I know...

So close no matter how far..
Couldn't be much more from the heart..
Forever, trusting who we are..
..and nothing else matters..

Never cared for what they do..

Never cared for what they know..

But I know...

Never opened myself this way..
Life is ours, we live it our way..
All these words I don't just say...
..and nothing else matters..

Trust I seek, and I find in you..
Everyday for us, something new..
Open mind for a different view..
..and nothing else matters..

Never cared for what they say..

Never cared for games they play..

Never cared for what they do..

Never cared for what they know..

And I Know...

So close no matter how far..
Couldn't be much more from the heart..
Forever, trusting who we are..
..No, Nothing Else Matters..