..a true love bug..

I came across this in Nana darling's new site. (Welcome back babe!) And wow, 2 posts in one day.. right after the other. Yea. It's another procrastination method of mine.. haha nah.. anyway, here is my visual dna thing. Complete with explanations. I think it's quite true. Come, read and get to know me ;)

My Mood: Dreamer
"You're a bit of a romantic and like to get back to basics. A real dreamer, you like the chance of new beginnings - starting over. When it comes to art, you're definitely unconventional - seeing art in all corners of life. You believe in self-expression and adventure. As for music, for you it's all about joining in; a bit of self-expression. It's always on your mind and helps you let off steam. Your choice of treat shows that you crave relaxation. Maybe you live a pampered life - or maybe you're so busy you don't seem to get any time to yourself. When you're tense you need a little help to unwind."

Personality: Fun: Escape Artist
"Oh - insatiable! Your thirst for affection never drops. You've got a high sex drive and appetite for lurve. For kicks you like to indulge in your great passions. You are probably happy spending time alone, and your drive and curiosity will take you all over the world. When it comes to holidays, you reckon they should always be indulgent - a very special treat and a chance to recharge your batteries in luxurious surroundings as well as spending quality time with family and friends. What grosses you out? You favour the natural look and can't stand a pumped and plumped, plastic appearance.

Personality: Habits: Back to Basics
"Even if you inwardly like to think you have a healthy approach to life, you still have your vices that keep you going throughout the day. It is all part of the routine - you're a creature of habit. Your choice of drink reflects your love of the stability and comfort of routine. As for home, you favour a cosy, home spun look... you dig the D-I-Y vibe big time.

Personality: Love: Love Bug
"For you, love is about long-term commitment, it means devotion and tenderness. When you think of freedom, you think of love. The comfort of being loved makes you feel free with your thoughts and words - you're a love bug."


Unbelievably true considering what I had just written in the last post and yerr.. =s Anyway this is all for today. I'm all written out.

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..to cry again..

Wow.. it's been such a long time since I've posted.. Perhaps because there are things happening in life right now that I feel that I need to take advantage of, before it goes away. For those of you that have chatted to me, or know what's going on, you know exactly what I mean when I say that. <-- after reading that last line, it's just occurred to me that many of you probably don't. and for that, I apologize profusely. But if any of you know me well enough, you know that sometimes I like to keep to myself and I often drift off here and there. But at the same time, always remember that I'm always around.

This is gonna be quite a serious post, as lately, while I might have been having fun on the outside, in the inside.. well, lets just say that I'm not sad.. but in a limbo of constant falling and then holding back because things are not going to happen, or be the way that I wish them to. Again, this is all very cryptic, and I apologise but I don't want to give too much away.

And as a warning, this is also going to be a very long post. It has been so long since I've written, and you can imagine how much I will have to write, given the amazing amount of time I find myself sitting and staring into space and thinking. =)

What's caused me to suddenly decide to write now? After being MIA for about a month or even longer? Just the fact that I haven't been able to let out all that I need to and I feel that if I don't do so soon, I might just explode - and not in a good way hehe.

Before I decided to sit down and write, I was actually just sitting here, listening to music and a thought occurred to me - it hasn't been the first time I've thought this to myself and I figured if I wrote, it might help with the way that I'm feeling inside.

What was the thought? It was about the fact that I haven't cried. This might sound ludicrous, but for someone as emotional and affection-based as me, crying in happiness, in sadness in whateverness can be absolution for me. To free all the skeletons, the sad moments, the happy and allowing me to simply, be. Crying is seen as such a negative thing, and I think that people think so, because like love, it shows a vulnerable side to you. There have been many a moment in the past few weeks where I have been trying to build up a stronger part of me, to be strong and while it has changed my life somewhat to the better (in a "I won't take no crap from nobody" and "I am now brave enough to find out about things that are eating me up inside" kinda way) I find myself, almost lost.

I want to cry again, if anything, in happiness:to know that things can still touch me in a profound way; in slight sadness: to know that there is someone that I deemed worthy to cause my tears to flow and to know that there was once someone who could make me happy in such a profound way. To let myself know that I am not infallible.

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A question that I continually ask myself is why I have met the people that I have during the course of my life. I believe that the people that we happen to meet, we meet for a reason. A reason that may be unknown to us at the time --> but there is always a reason. To an extent I ponder upon this theory with some sadness. And it's funny, because I don't entirely know why. Perhaps I feel this way because there are some people that you meet and think they could be forever for you, and yet don't know because you will never know what is in store for you. This person could be forever, or they could be someone that reminds you of forever to give you hope that there still is a forever for you. Both possibilities leave you with an unanswerable question however --> Do you let yourself fall?


Perhaps I feel this way because there are some people that you meet and think that they could be absolution for you, to give you the ultimate freedom. But you will never know. This person could be your freedom, or they could be someone with whom you have something in common with for awhile and never hear from again to give you the illusion of freedom and comfort and after awhile drift into the stretch of time that is your past. Both possibilities leave you with an unaswerable question however --> Do you allow yourself to trust and open yourself up?

No one wants to lose a friend that they have gotten to know well, and have some sort of bond with. Nor does anyone want to grow to trust and become comfortable with someone, knowing that there is a possibility that they may never see that person again. Most of the time once we become aware of this fact, we think, what the hell and not bother anymore. Just how we stick with the people that we are comfortable with and not necessarily broaden our horizons and not give a damn about anyone else. Humans are creatures of habit. And getting hurt (emotionally) is not part of that habit.


So the question comes down to what if you have met that person that you think could be forever? What if you meet someone that makes you feel free and comfortable? What do you do? Shall you sit back and enjoy the ride while it lasts? Unfortunately all rides come to an end. Do you sit back and enjoy the ride while thinking of the next ride you're going to go on? Or do you get off immediately and say that you're waiting for forever and comfort and freedom? Unfortunately, as appealing and easy as the last option is, nothing is ever easy, nor does it come easily and while all things come to those who wait, waiting alone..will eventually eat you up inside.

It's so easy to put up a front to people, saying that you're alright. To say that you knew from the beginning it wouldn't last and so you're fine. To keep telling yourself that because you knew it couldn't be you wouldn't let yourself fall. Fallacies of the heart. Because once that has happened, you've already trusted, fallen and given.

..oh to cry again..