..J'adore..

Hellew everyone!

Yes, yes, I know I have been really super slow with the updates but I've been extremely busy and it's been pretty hectic for me, you have NO idea how much reading I have to do... lawyers, medics and vets really do get it the hardest.. =( Unfortunately I've somewhat lost the momentum in trying to get absolutely everything done n studying bladibladibla.. but o well, I'm up early today and I have nothing so yea...

Anyhoo.. I think I'll split up today's blog into 2 parts.. because I don't think people should be bombarded with deep, sometimes meaningul thoughts ALL the time.. lol =s

~~

You kno I was thinking the other day, and it's funny that Reza actually ended up putting something like it on his blog, but I was feeling quite depressed (it was probably pms but what the heck) and I guess ever since I've gotten here, I've really felt the effects of being single and I almost feel like I don't have a purpose anymore.. Like, even thinking about my goals for my degree and after.. I didn't feel... fulfilled.. satisfied.. It really does show that there is much more to life than just being successful, working and having money. So I did a bit of writing.. while thinking about some of the things that I'd like to achieve one day.. It's quite a short list imho, but for me, I feel what would really make me happy.. is simplicity.

• I'd like to give something to people.. something that may or may not be something life changing.. but something, so that they feel like either somebody cares or gives a damn.. (which is why after this degree it would be most fulfilling if i could be a teacher..)
  
• To teach
  
• To travel to all the places I've always wanted to go to - which is probably almost everywhere lol
  
• To meet someone that I can feel needs and wants me as much as I, them
  
• To love

Yea.. that's bout it really.. I can't really think of anything else I truly want.. this isn't to say I'm not ambitious... if I become a lawyer, which i probably will do because it's just.... "tradition" in the family.. and plus, I can be quite competitive if I have to.. so yea.. But you kno, It's funny how very often the smallest things can make you unbelievably happy.. When I was with Ben.. we never bothered with "anniversaries" or valentines day.. I certainly don't remember any so called "special" moments people dream about their boyfriend appearing witha large bouquet of flowers for valentines day.. or a special (probably expensive) present or dinner he/she would feel pressured into getting because it's their "anniversary". The most prominent memory I have of our time together would be the silent times.. when you wouldn't have to say anything at all but look into each others eyes... or driving out to the beach.. or just.. hanging out at whomevers place.. And thinking about these things made me realise that none of that involved money, or material things.. and yet, it can feel so blissful...

..You know it's unbelievable - the number of people that belive in God. I believe in God because I've felt things and learnt things that wouldn't be possible if all this was merely... due to some accident of molecules or whatever the theory of the big bang was. Like our emotions for example.. especially Love.. to even be able to have the capacity to love someone without necessarily having them love you back.. or to love someone despite of all their faults.. can't be due to some "accident".

What is your perception of God? What do you see or feel in your mind that enables you to keep on believing in God? Personally.. to be honest, I've always been somewhat at an ends with the way they taught you to think of God in ugama schools back at home.. and what I've FELT God feels like.. I think that he's always there, that sometimes when you're at an al time low and you think about things in your head and everything is still and quiet.. and sometimes you come out with answers that get you out of your low..answers that maybe at the beginning you probably would never have thought of... but you got out of it... I think that he loves all of us.. and this point has been quite controversial in the past.. I find it so hard to reconcile myself with this and what's been drilled into me since I was 7 or 8.. That we need to fear God.. and from fear comes respect. But respect - does not mean love.. and I don't think you can truly believe in God and do what he wants you to, out of just fear and respect. But hey, thats my opinion. Just how you don't want to do well in life to please your parents because you "respect" them.. obviously you respect your parents, but you want to do well to make them proud of you.. because you love them and we always want to make the people we love proud of us.. we want to show them that they brought us up right, that they're time, money and effort didn't go to waste..I guess in a way to show that we love them too.

I was talking to a friend who does biomedical science about this book that he lent me called "The alchemist" and i"ll probably have a lil review up sometime later but it's a fantastic book.. anyhoo the point is that.. he was telling me how the reason why scientists or doctors end up becoming more religious after doing their degree or practising being a doctor after awhile is because you learn about the intricacies of the body and there is no way that anything of it was just "an accident" or natural selection. It's a fact that our body was originally made to be able to fight off and cure EVERYTHING. Even at this moment, your body could be killing of cancer cells, or whatever! no joke! Don't you think thats pretty Fucking amazing?! or how parts of our body, like the heart or anything else for that matter always needs to work perfectly. In the sense that the pressure needs to be exact, different things rely on a whole host of different other tthings to work and it ALL needs to be PERFECT and EXACT.. that blows me away! Doesn't that make you think that we couldn't have jsut happened by "accident"?

THe thing that gets to me is this whole divide between creationism and evolutionism.. But the way I see it is.. for all we know, God could've planned it so evolution happened.. i mean, there's nothing to say that the 2 HAS to be mutually exclusive.. Who's to say that just because we evolved from monkeys that no one planned it to be that way in the beginning?! O well.. I'm sorry folks this wasn't meant to be a rant on my beliefs but hey.. I got carried away lol

*phew*

Anyhoo.. I think its raunchy time... Yes.. As we all know I have moments where I can get a *tad* bit man crazy LOL.. but yea, I joined this group on face book called:
I Love big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty, burly, manly men!

Owww yeaaaaa.... who doesn't? I mean, who doesn't love those rugged looking men... (me!) And I've said this before, and I'll say it again.. Women. Don't. Want. Wussies. We want men! What really gets to me nowadays is that we've become a culture where women have gotten to a point where they are so demanding it's unbelievable! This is why I have some issues with the really extreme feminists. Sure, we all deserve equal rights. But one day we have to realise that we can't do everything men can - it takes TWO.

I've found in recent years that more and more men are allowing themselves to get pussy whipped by their girlfriends.. back home, as I was driving by the mall I actually saw a guy bending down in front of his girlfriend while she was telling him off and he wasn't even fighting back.. repeat after me.. WTH??? Why do men allow themselves to get pussy whipped by their gfs?? it's crazy.. The culture today seems to be that men are trying to be way more sensitive than they should be... I mean, what's with all this pink metrosexual "i don't mind wearing uber tight jeans and a super bright pink top - It's fashion!" culture? Pink, is not a bad colour. But, don't effing go out n buy that bright pink shirt!! get something a lil more subtle, like a very very light (almost white) pink shirt.. that would be more manly imho.

And yes, I do realise that women constantly bitch about how their man isn't sensitive enough and they're assholes etc etc. But let me let you in on a little secret. And ladies, well, for the real ladies that don't feel like they need to pussy whip their boyfriend in order to feel special - that's just sick, I'm sorry that I'm letting our secret out: WE LIKE ASSHOLES. I mean, seriously, this doesn't mean that from now on you can be a complete asshole.. but I mean that, guys are assholes.. they're egotistical asses who will - from no fault of their own apart from the fact that they're just like that, -hurt you or piss you off from time to time..but think about it... would you rather have a proper MAN for a boyfriend - i.e. one that will challenge you, disagree with you, because he STANDS UP for himself ( i mean, lets be honest, the only reason we get so upset is coz we always want it our way... but a real man won't always give us our way.. which really, ineffectively attracts us even more) so, would you rather have that, or some boring wussy that agrees with everything you say, bends over backwards for you just because he's SCARED that you'll pick a fight with him.. c'mon, men are assholes, I accept that.. in fact, I'd rather them BE assholes rather than some wussy. sheesh.

~~wow.. it's rant city up in there lol.. but yes, back to the I Love big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty, burly, manly men! group.. basically its a tribute to all big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty, burly, manly men.. the kinda men that could look after you in a jungle and kill a bear with his own hands... .......ok a bit of an exaggeration there.. and no, I don't mean men who are super muscly... But forget about that pretty boy look. That's old and for 12 year old girls... women, like MEN. not pretty boys. Quote from the Spice Girls: "I want a man not a boy who thinks he can.." LOL.

eg.s of big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty, burly, manly men... Aragorn from LOTH... Brad Pitt in Troy.. the men in Gladiator... wolverine.. Vin Diesel (esp. in Pitch Black).. and yea.. you get the idea.. so, in light of that, I have a little picture presentation, a tribute if you like.. to big, hairy, rugged, brutish, dirty,burly, manly men.. that would be able to whisk us away into the darkness with their strong arms and rugged charm. LOL. I can't believe I actualy wrote that.. but yea. This half of the post is dedicated to my darling Nana - I kno she's probably getting herself off right now.. HAHAH.

Haha *sigh* my kinda man.. LOL.. anyway, sorry for the long post.. but I hadn't updated in awhile n got carried away lol.. oh yea, btw, i do realise that there aren't any spacings in between the paragraphs.. but its blogger stuffing up ;) so sorry if you're finding it hard to read..

Till next time ;)

..with love, anything is possible..

Hey everyone,

No, this post isn't going to be some sentimental one about love, fate and bladibladibla... funnily enough, lately, I've been going through a change of sorts and have a mindblock when it comes to the subject. Needless to say, I'd rather not think about it at the moment.. lol. And to think it's supposed to be Valentine's day soon.

Anyway this week lectures have started again.. and well, it actually has been a pretty.. interesting week to say the least. Which reminds me, you know what's funny? And I still don't get it, is guys and this whole "unattainable" thing, that is to say, how they seem to like girls that project a somewhat "unattainable" aura or image. Now, I could be entirely wrong, but from most guys I know.. this is pretty true.. you know, it's all about the game (in the beginning anyway - before you just happen to fall madly in love with her).. you'd rather have someone who is a bit "jual mahal" rather than an easy ho {lol}.

But yea, you must be wondering why I am talking about this, well it's got to do with everything that's happened to me lately. If you've read my previous posts, recently I've "crawled back into my shell" and have done some rethinking.. and I think, I can safely say that I have come out stronger... and.. how do I say this... while I LOVE men... I don't think I'll be interested in anyone any time soon. Sure, I notice hot guys... but as to the old Nur who would be such a romantic over things.. she's not entirely gone.. but not entirely there anymore either. Now, this could be a good or bad thing but I guess I'll just have to wait until I find out for myself whether it is or not. I'm not saying I'm a cynic now when it comes to things like love and relationships, but I duno, ah, here's a way of putting it - I'm just not interested in it (that is, any romantic actions involving men) right now. ESPECIALLY if you guys are offering it to me on a silver platter. I have a feeling that the next time I let myself get swept away, it's gonna be something fucking special I'm telling ya.. lol

SO what does this have to do with the whole guys and unattainable thing? Well, funnily enough, and this quite annoys me, is that it seems that NOW of ALL times, I'm suddenly a "target" as such... o well, I'm sorry! haha. Just not interested. =s and I was talking bout this with my friend Bart. and he reckons that it could be that now I might seem to be projected this idea of the "unattainable". I duno, but c'mon, guys never seem to be able to get the timing right. sheeesh. haha.

Well, I'm not giving up on guys completely, you know I love em.. just don't expect me to fall so easily this time ;)

Anyhoo, in light of the upcoming Valentines day, here's a funny little comic - from a website which I have added as one of my favourites for the moment - check it out ;) - www.pbfcomics.com Enjoy!

Oh yea, the comic is called - with love, anything is possible. hehehe. (hence my title for this post - yea, I'm not feeing particularly imaginative right now)

LOL love it! haha. See Ya Later...

..I'm with you..

Curses upon all these people that seem to be able to come up with these 'tag' thingies. sheesh. Not that I particularly mind... but still.. I always seem to get it in the cycle when there are hardly any people left to tag =s SO anyway, its not a questionnaire this time, but a list:

""Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. "

(6 weird things are tough!!)
1) I never brush my hair and yet it comes out pretty straight and without tangles...
2) I've got weird hands that are double jointed or something because they are super bendy and tiny and has weird candle stick fingers (which my yaya lovingly refers to them as proper "ladies fingers")..
3) I have flat feet. Which means in the event that I ever take up swimming again it would be a great advantage.
4) I have a hole in my head... ok well not a HOLE as such... but there's a tiny hole at the side of my head where the top of my ear gets attached to my head... it just looks like its been pierced there before or something.. - its a gene thing.. my mom has it too..

Ok, i realise most of my weird things are actually about me.. and not my personality so for the last 2 I'll try and think of something that relates to my personality... hmmmm...

5) People don't realise it but I'm a big baby... depends who you are really. but I'm really manja.
6) I have an obsession with popping stuff.. ..yea, I won't go into it hehe ;)

Ok 6 people to tag... I choose.. Mervin, Mei, ARGH sheesh everyone has been picked already! just just... whoever wants to do this, {insert your names here} and just do it!!! for goodness sakes. *the pressure* *shudder* hehe. Enjoy.

I'll probly post something up again later on tonight.. so yea, just thought I'd get this list thing outta the way first ;)

..find me..

Hey everyone,

Phew.. so its the weekend.. and boy, have I started it with a 'bang' =/ and not a good one at that.. And from events, I am left.. quite... bereft (oo is that a rhyme? lol) and miserable.. for want of a better word. I dont quite like availing anyone who reads my blogs with the exact details of mistakes or problems.. but writing in this blog has always been quite therapeutic for me nonetheless..

Today has been quite interesting, I met with a very nice guy about french tutoring, so hopefully I'll be speaking french in no time ;) lol thats hot. anyway. that was about the only highlight of my day today.. =s

Last night was one filled with "interesting" events.. all teaching me valuable lessons, mostly about myself.. but is most probably the key point to my ultimate low right now.. the kind where you feel like slinking back into your corner or shell and do some serious re-thinking about things that you thought that you might have wanted. Needless to say, mistakes were made.. there's no way of changing that, but to come out of it and being able to say 'lesson learnt' is always a good way to start when trying to look on the brightside of things and getting over it. Sometimes mistakes are needed to make you realise that the thing you thought that you wanted so badly, or needed, was in fact, something that goes against your nature completely and is - something that you could never ever want in the beginning anyway. SO you start to wonder. why the hell did i think i wanted that in the first place? - But more questions never get you anywhere either.. if anything, it could possibly make you sink deeper, making you think that in someway there is something wrong with YOU. And this is probably where I am right now. ..'is there something wrong with me..?'

Mistakes can be a powerful and destructive thing.. powerful if you are a strong enough person to get over it and never look back except occasionally as does everyone, its in our nature to look to the past ever so often... destructive if you let it eat you up inside. I, don't know where I am right now.. Should I try strike a balance between the two? I can tell you though, I am in no way feeling strong at this point in time. And I am well deep into my 'shell'. (funny mentioning 'shell' at this point as being a Cancer.. we tend to do that when we reach particular lows.. to enable ourselves to mull events over.. some alone time if you will, to fix ourselves..or what's been hurting).

Now, I kno this is all very cryptic, but even without knowing the details, you can see the overall point of all this right? Anyway, life wouldn't be life without the bumps, scrapes, scars and burns along the way right?

Anyway, I think I shall leave it at there for now.. I might post sometime late tonight lol... if I can't sleep or something..

Till later..